Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2016-10-19 07:08:31 (UTC)

That Which I Cannot Control

I had a good day. That's saying a lot lately, but honestly I did. It was nothing out of the ordinary. Run of the mill errands (toilet paper, cat food, tofu at Costco). I think my frame of mind was better than it has been in awhile. I have to accept that nothing about this life will ever be perfect, and no matter what's going on I can always choose happiness. If I can control any given situation, then I will. I know this about myself. It's the stuff I can't control I just have to let go. My area of opportunity: letting go of that which I cannot control.

I went to Barnes and Noble to look for yoga materials. I found nothing. They had a lot of beginner stuff. Basic poses, what they're good for. But nothing beyond anything I already have now. I guess I'll have to turn to the internet if I want to expand my practice. Or take some classes. There's a hot yoga studio in Poulsbo I think I mentioned before. I'm still really interested in getting into that, but with money being an issue right now, this isn't the time. It'll have to go on my bucket list.

I spent some quality time with dad tonight while I made dinner (a rustic veggie soup, in case you care). His coffee date went well, but that wasn't the only thing we talked about. A little of everything, really. I really do love having him here and I'm a little worried he might decide to leave. I know this living arrangement isn't exactly ideal for any of us, but sometimes you just have to make things do until you can do better. I like the idea of us buying a house with enough space for everyone. Which wouldn't be too much bigger than this house, save for one more bedroom. That would be so great. Only time will tell what the future holds, though. I'm also kind of hopeful this relationship blossoms so that dad doesn't grow old alone. By alone, I mean without a loving companion. He'd never be alone as long as I'm alive, but a daughter isn't the same as a wife/girlfriend/domestic partner.

I wanted to go to the gym tonight before I picked Annie up from work, but Keenan was adamant that he didn't want me to leave. He was tired and already in pajamas, so I didn't want to drag him out either. I don't really know why he didn't want me to leave him, but he so rarely gets like that. I have to listen. I can go tomorrow while he's at school. I close, but not until later (it's a short shift), so I've got the whole day open. Half day closing shifts aren't the worst.

Snookums and I are doing a good job of interjecting more physical intimacy in our relationship. Which is much easier to do when I'm not resentful and angry at him. He's doing well at this new job (and it doesn't suck seeing him almost every day), he's got school under control, he's being more proactive in other aspects of our marriage where at one time I felt he was very complacent (I know what that means, I don't need to go into too much more detail). Overall, I'm just really happy with the direction things are going in. Our current money issues have nothing to do with anything he's done. It's a cautionary tale of why you shouldn't depend on the government to take care of you. This isn't welfare by any means, but it reminds me that I never want to get to a place where I need to depend on that, either. This goes back to letting go of that which I cannot control. Things will work out, and I won't have to jump to conclusions (like the fear we're going to end up on welfare). But I digress. I'm writing this as Snookums showers. I exfoliated my skin, rubbed myself with Monoi oil (which smells divine, if you've never smelt it), and now I sit patiently waiting in a black lace negligee. It's progress on our part.




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