Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2016-10-07 05:12:12 (UTC)

The Calm Before The Next Storm

It's raining outside. I can hear the drops driving into the window panes. It was windy earlier, so I'd imagine it still is now, though I can only faintly hear the rustle of tree branches. I'm sitting on the couch in my long-neglected sitting room, watching the fire die down (just glowing embers now, but the heat is still radiant). I've got a dozen candles lit, sleepy kitties all around. Dad and the kids have gone to bed. This is the most calm, most serene, most content I've been in weeks. There is nowhere else I'd rather be. And I've needed to feel this for a very long time. Perhaps it's the eye of the hurricane that is my life. The calm before the next storm, but I'll take it.

Thank you and sorry to all the lovely people who have sent me uplifting messages over the past week. I just finally got around to responding tonight. To those of you out there reading this, and who read my diary on a regular basis and leave messages, thank you for the positive feedback and I apologize if I come off negative or whiny at times. It's my sincere desire to never come across that way in "real" life, so this is my outlet. I'm that person everyone comes to for advice. To vent. When they need a sympathetic ear. But often when I need that, no one is there. Or I get comments like "You're tough. You can handle this." Well, yes. I know. But sometimes it would just be nice if someone listened... and maybe had some advice for me for a change! I may be strong, but every once in awhile I need someone to remind me that everything will work out okay in the end, and that if things aren't okay... I'm not at the end yet.

I had a great day. I woke up around 9:30am and didn't feel the mental ball and chain that usually keeps me in bed long after I awake. I got right up, dressed in less than 30 minutes, and came out to put dinner on (13 bean soup in the crock pot. I even remembered to soak the beans overnight! I never remember to do that.) I even made myself a real breakfast (pu-erh tea, apple cinnamon oatmeal with sliced banana, and my daily vitamins). Such good self-care so early in the day! Dad and I had a good chat before he needed to get back to submitting job applications and I left to enjoy my day. There really wasn't anything I needed to do, but I didn't feel like sitting around the house waiting for the kids to come home, either.

The only thing I feel slightly bad about was an unnecessary purchase I made. There's this little boutique that opened up in The Trails and I've been wanting to go there for a long time. There's a location in downtown Bremerton, but I never really go that way or if I do it's late and they're closed. So, my curiosity got the better of me and I went in. Big mistake. The women who work there are incredibly friendly and immediately start pulling items for you to try based on what kind of style preferences you share with them. Before I knew it I was buying a gorgeous cardigan and flowy top... that I don't need and really don't feel good about buying. But I love them, and I'd feel terrible returning them after how nice they were to me. I guess I just won't ever go in there simply to look now that I know their selling style... I guess now I know how some customers feel when I help them. I left feeling good, but almost immediately wished I hadn't gone in or bought anything. I guess I'll just enjoy these two little gifts to myself, because I won't be getting anything else for awhile.

I made a quick run into Costco (and only spent $40, which is a miracle) then headed home to pick up the kids. I'd promised Annie I'd take her to find a Homecoming dress today, but since I closed last night and didn't get to spend any time with the little ones, I felt bad leaving them at home, so I took everyone. It ended up being a quick and easy trip. The first place we always look is Ross. I used to work there and I remember all the beautiful ball gowns and special occasion dresses that used to come in, at INSANE prices. So, we start there. It was a disappointing selection, though. I think it was pretty sold down because North Kitsap is the last to have their Homecoming in the area, and we did kind of wait until the last minute. Even though Annie is super-tiny (like, a 1/2 tops), I ventured over into the size 6 rack, and there I found the most amazing emerald green, floor-length dress, with a side slit to mid thigh and a sequined bodice. It had an open back and a long ribbon that tied at the upper back and draped to almost knee length. It was beautiful, but a size 4. I had a good feeling about it and figured it was worth a try... it was PERFECTION. Not the least bit too big. In fact, the darting looked like it had been custom tailored for her. And better yet... IT WAS $26.99 (regularly $180)!! This is why I love Ross. No matter how messy the store might be.

We did end up at the mall, looking for shoes. Annie wanted something silver, but for whatever reason we couldn't find anything. And then I had an epiphany. I wore silver shoes on my wedding day (yes, 14 years ago, and I still have them)! Silver open toed sling backs with a clear top and silver embroidery dotted with tiny crystals. Pretty but not too pretty as to compete with the dress. They fit perfectly, too! So, her whole ensemble fell into place. I've got a million hair baubles and bits of jewelry to accessorize with, and she's happy. That's what matters most. Really, it's all I care about. I can suffer, but when Annie looks back on her high school career I don't want her to feel like she didn't get the full experience. No matter what I may have to sacrifice in the process.




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