Interrupted
My Life Thus Far
I'd Never Look Back
I'm proud of myself for getting out of bed (this is how small the victories I'm celebrating are these days). I gave myself plenty of time to dress for work, and even got outside for a short walk beforehand. This truly is a small victory, because I was feeling very apprehensive about work today. Our DM was coming and I needed to mentally prepare myself for the inevitable "you're wonderful, you're so important, you're amazing, but you're not getting this promotion you were asked to apply for and have already been passed over twice" conversation. I knew it was coming, but I dodge a bullet. She was gone when I got there. So, the conversation has been postponed. Based on the things Christine said to me a few days ago, I know this is the direction it's going to go. The joke's on them. If I'm so fucking important, then I'm going to demand they start showing it. As it stands now, I fully recognize that they lean on me heavily for bra sales, educating new associates, teaching standards, et. But there's no additional pay for that. It's not part of my job title, but it's expected of me due to my tenure. I feel used more than anything. Which is nothing new. I've felt this way dozens of times in the past. Enough that I've considered looking for another job (again). Unlike my husband I'd NEVER leave a job without another sure thing lined up, but sometimes I daydream about walking out and never looking back. I'm definitely NOT one of those people who would continue working if I hit the lottery (which I won't, because I don't play). I'd be gone, and I'd never look back.
During my little pre-work walk today Snookums texted me to tell me what was going on with his VA disability... they really don't know (or he neglected to ask the right questions, which is what I suspect). They were able to refile another claim with added symptoms and a couple new conditions that weren't applicable when he initially filed in 2012. I don't know how long it's going to take for this new claim to be process, but he already told me it won't be for awhile. He figured out what happened to his school stipend. He messed up the paperwork, so that got fixed and he'll be getting back pay for September and October, and next months will come on schedule. It's enough to keep us afloat, and the back pay should get us out of the whole. Fingers crossed. I don't know exactly how much it will work out to be, since September was prorated (the semester started mid month). Regardless. It's a silver lining and I need to hold onto anything positive I can get my hands on. The walk in the park was already helping me settle my uneasiness, but getting that little bit of good news helped even more.
I taught a bra certification class tonight. One girl didn't show up at all, another came an hour late, and yet another one of them gave another associate a Xanax right in front of me. Which of course I was obligated to pass along to our manager (I'm not their direct report, so I don't handle those things. Which I'm totally fine with, I didn't feel like addressing it anyway). Christine was off today, so it didn't get handled today. I'm curious to see how it plays out. Even though Xanax isn't a narcotic, I'm not sure if it's something the company allows to be taken at work. I don't know exactly how it affects people, or what category it falls under, but I do know it's a prescription drug and company policy clearly states there is no passing around of drugs especially if you don't have a prescription for it.
The moon was calling me tonight. Even though I was a bit tired, and probably could have benefited from coming straight home, I felt pulled to go for a late night walk. So, I stopped at Poulsbo Waterfront Park and walked the boardwalk in the dark. It was nice. And if I didn't feel all that safe out so late at night, there was a Coast Guard vessel docked at the marina for some odd reason. I didn't know they came this far into the bay. It was as big as the ships I see in Port Angeles, in deep open waters.
I did something this morning that I haven't done in awhile. I kind of over-indulged a bit. I made all that pumpkin banana bread yesterday and since PMS is getting the better of me, I ended up eating FOUR slices of it! Which came out to almost 1,000 pretty nutrient poor calories. Half my day's calories on sugar sweet dessert bread. Not my finest nutritional moment, but I've definitely done worse. So, the rest of the day I focused on whole foods (the potato kale soup I made last night), tomatoes, cucumber, and strawberries. I think I reversed the potential bloat I'd set myself up for. I think tomorrow will be a better day. Now that I've finally gotten some good news.
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