rainy

My heart in a knot
2016-10-02 19:13:11 (UTC)

Vitamin C?

The last time I wrote I was writing about cutting out bread in my diet for a while to see if that may be the cause of my digestive problems and although I think it may be a small part of the problem I think there is a larger problem that I haven't discovered yet. But one thing that I failed to realize is that during the month of August I was taking vitamin C supplements nearly everyday and that may have been one of the reasons why I was able to wake up so early in the morning without feeling groggy. But during the last month I stopped taking the Vitamin C because I wasn't sure if it was working. So now I am going to get back on them to see if I make improvements in my energy levels.

I'm also looking into an enzyme supplement but I am not sure which one I should try, I feel almost certain that my stomach is having a hard time breaking down certain foods which was the reason for my stomach problems last month. And I even have some speculations as to what may have caused it because I never had digestive problems growing up. I noticed that foods like cheese and other dairy products have enzymes in them, in particular I use to drink a lot of whole milk, I actually could drink an entire gallon of whole milk by itself in like 3 days or less that's how much I loved whole milk, but then I started reading about cows milk and how it wasn't meant for humans so I got on soy milk, well I think that was where my problems began. But it's only a speculation because when I changed my diet I did get better in some areas but then I got problems in different areas, but as far as my overall health I did get better after switching to more healthy foods.


So as far as right now is concerned I think the vitamin c I just took is helping. I took about 3000 mg of vitamin C about 3 hours ago, I have hopes that it will help me do well on my job interview tomorrow. I'm really ready to get this process started already. I'm just going to go in tomorrow and give it my best, hopefully I'll get the job and hopefully it's not a nightmare.. I've already made the mistake of going online and looking up peoples reviews about the job and I've found some terrible stories that people have had working there... well this job is seasonal so hopefully if I get it I'll be able to put up with it temporarily and then keep searching for a better job.


I also went and looked up my old job and I found people complaining about some of the same bad experiences that I had.. it really is sad that people have to go through so much just to get a job and then have to struggle working in a terrible environment.


Right now though I just have to work on fixing myself, that means working on my health and then getting out of this house as fast as possible, I'm just now growing as an individual, I haven't changed in the past decade and I'm miserable, but at the same time I'm aware of all of the bad things that are happening in the world and it makes me want to just stay where I know it's safe. I really need to play it safe either route I take, I'm not trying to go out here with high hopes for a better future and then end up in a worst situation. I wish I wasn't the type who liked comfort zones more than adventure and I wish I didn't have such extreme fears and distrust of others. But watching the news and having the experiences that I grew up with can create that. Even though I know my fears are irrational and are getting in the way of my growth as a person I can't help but to have them because in the back of my mind I recall every horror story I've read in the news and I know how fragile I am and that I couldn't cope.


It reminds me of when my car was broken into a few years ago while I was on campus.. it was a horrific experience for me and I felt so violated, it only made me distrust others more and I don't think I've fully recovered from it. Even today I worry about my car being stolen or broken into again.. I just don't think it's fair to be a victim but it's not just stealing or things like that, there are so many more injustices going on in the world that it can be so hard to cope with it all and it's so easy to loose your faith in humanity.

Regardless I have to figure out how to become a better person so I can work on fixing things. Tomorrow rather or not I get this job it won't matter because I will still be moving forward with my own self-improvement, I'm sure I'll find a job eventually but in the mean time I have to improve myself and one of the biggest things I need right now is getting my energy and motivation back. I will be honest seeing my sister come back and like she is really makes me feel upset, not so much that she just plays video games all day but she seems to be less motivated than me. The other day I came across a woman online who also plays video games and she even has a huge collection like my sister however her stuff is not all thrown around the room in a mess it was all neatly organized and clean... I really don't think my sister sees herself or maybe she does but I'm just being too hard on the situation... either way it's a new month which means new bills so hopefully she pays her share.


Well my interview is tomorrow at 11:30, I guess I'll learn all the details of the job because the website didn't say much, I'm going to do my best to be sure to smile and win her over so I can get this job. I'm going to get up early tomorrow and take some vitamin C, shower, dress nicely and work on some type of speech. I like the location of the job because it's in a nice side of town , plus there are a ton of other possible jobs in the same area, the only thing I'm worried about is that the position may already be filled or someone who qualifies more than me may get the job over me... it won't be the end of the world.. like I said I still have to move on.


Well I should get some sleep.




Ad: