Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2016-09-27 06:34:21 (UTC)

Did I Even Sleep?

After a day of feeling inexplicably on edge, I'm finally feeling calm. It only took 12 candles, 3 sticks of incense, Calm Meditation radio on blast, a 2.5 hour bath, and a little self-pleasuring, but finally I don't feel quite so ready to jump out of my skin. Whatever it takes, I guess.

Despite going to bed later than I should have (per usual), I woke up long before my alarm went off, and no matter how hard I tried to fall back to sleep, I couldn't. Needless to say, I made it to work on time (for once), and I opened too. That just about never happens (yes, I know. I should be to work on time. Perhaps it would be easier if I didn't feel shit on at work all the time... or if anyone actually noticed I wasn't there).

I got off earlier than anticipated (I had another one of those dumb extensions, but they didn't use it this time), so I made good use of the time between getting off and the kids getting home from school (and subsequently needing to leave for Keenan's ballet class). I picked up groceries to make a pot of bean soup. 16 bean soup to be precise. With shallot, red onion, carrots, and a healthy shake of hickory smoked sea salt. I got all the veg cut while the beans par-boiled, then tossed it all in the crock pot. I still had about 30 minutes of time to spare, so I figured I'd attempt a nap, since I didn't get much sleep last night.

I honestly don't know if I slept. I pulled my hair back, took my earrings off, turned on Calm Meditation radio, and sunk into my pillows in a way that I never seem to be able to achieve at night (why does my bed feel like the most comfortable cocoon during the day, but a torture device at night? Great mysteries, I tell you). I closed my eyes and drifted off to the sounds of the music. In the 30 minutes I'd hoped to nap, Kiki came into my room three times, Keenan attempted to talk to me about something, I got six emails (which interrupt the music). And the entire time I don't recall not being aware of my surroundings. Aware of the music. Did I even sleep? I think maybe. In little spurts, because when my alarm went off (signaling the end of my siesta), I did feel slightly better than when I laid down.

And yet, all day I've felt like something bad was going to happen. You know that gut feeling you get that just keeps nagging at you? Like the universe is telling you to stay on guard. Watch your back. I felt that all day. But nothing happened. It's 11:51pm. If I sit very still for the next 9 minutes, I should be fine! Damn anxiety...




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