Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2016-09-22 04:40:31 (UTC)

Deep-Seeded Daddy Issues

The day flew by. Perhaps because I didn't go to bed until 6am, slept through the entire morning, and then worked. It's a little before 10pm now, and I'm doing something I haven't done in months. I'm sitting in my neglected sitting room, sipping a cup of green tea, writing in my diary. I've got candles lit, lots of fluffy pillows, and when I'm done writing, my book to read. I have dad to thank for this. If he hadn't asked to use my bathtub (the master bedroom has a garden tub), I'd be sitting in bed, scrolling my phone, or some other usual diversion. I don't even have my phone with me to scroll. I left it in the bathroom with dad, so he could listen to Calm Meditation Radio on Pandora. I thought it might be slightly weird sitting in bed while he's in our bathroom (4ft away), so I was inspired to get comfortable somewhere else.

Back in April when dad first moved in we went to IKEA and bought him a sofa bed and moved the regular couch into the empty front room that had no purpose. We got a cute little coffee table, too. I had the best intentions of using my new sitting room, but mostly I just end up camped out in bed. Maybe I'll spend more time here. This is so nice.

Work was barely a blip on the radar of my day. I had a four hour shift with a four hour extension, but with payroll being the mess that it is, there was no way I was staying later. Not to mention we weren't making plan for the day. I pretty much just walked in circles trying to get my 10,000 steps in. I got close, a little over 8,000.

Since I wanted to spend the evening with dad and the kids and I knew dad wouldn't be in the mood to venture out to a park or go hiking, I finished up my step goal at Old Mill Park. It was the closest access point to the Clear Creek trails that didn't require I cross any major roads to get the distance I needed. It took me all of 18 minutes to finish my goal, and I got a lovely little stroll along the beach in. Perfection. A lovely way to end the summer season. Today was the official last day of summer. I'm going to miss it. Summer is never long enough.

When dad told me earlier that he wanted to use my bathtub I immediately had a minor panic attack. Our bathroom was a bit of a mess. Clothes and shoes everywhere, not as neat or clean as it could have been, and there was still a bit of an oil slick from the sugar scrub I did the other night. So, while he fiddled on his computer, I did a quick clean up. And then I stood there and wondered why I can't make the time to primp up the bathroom for myself, but I had no issues doing it for him. I lit a stick of nag champa and the tub side candles, laid him out a clean towel and washcloth, a small bag of Epsom salt, a LUSH bath bomb (I'm not sure which one, but it was the most neutral/non-feminine scented one I had), a bottle of peppermint essential oil, and then my phone with Calm Meditation Radio. Is it strange to feel maternal towards your father? Because that's how I feel. I made him dinner, made sure he was comfortable, and I still very much feel the desire to look after and care for him. I wonder if it has anything to do with a fear of losing him again? If I make life with me so comfortable and appealing, then maybe he won't leave me again... Perhaps I have some deep-seeded daddy issues? I don't know. What constitutes a daddy issue? I'll need to do some research on that.

As I sit here in this peaceful room, I very much feel the desire to go drift off. I didn't get much sleep last night, so I'm looking forward to that tonight. I have an hour and a half until Snookums gets home. I'm not sure I'll make it. I guess I could take a shower and use my delicious brown sugar scrub... I said shower, and not bath, because I just got all the oil out of the bathtub. I'm not ready to dirty it all up already!




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