Interrupted
My Life Thus Far
I Want To Fly
Depression had a firm grip on me today. It was weird, because for the most part I've felt like I've had a good handle on it. Going hiking the other day definitely helped, and I've been making my step goal. I think physical activity is a huge factor, but not the end-all, be-all cure. If it were, far fewer people would be struggling through it. Because here I am, feeling like a 50 pound weight is sitting on my chest, making everything so much harder. I do my best to live a positive, uplifted life, and I'm still dragging this anchor. I want to fly, but there's so much invisible/intangible weight holding me down.
As hard as it was, getting out of bed when there was nothing requiring me to do so, I did it. Solely to get my steps in. I took the kids to Battle Point so they could play, and I could walk. Three laps around the walking trail is just shy of 4.5 miles. Not too shabby. It felt good, too. Even though I'm still sore, and the cyst behind my knee makes the joint tight, I wasn't in the excruciating pain I have been in the past couple days. It's a tolerable level of soreness. I think I'm even feeling leaner. Like I have better muscle definition. By tomorrow I think I'll be mostly recovered. I wanted to go hiking today, but thought better of it. I'm glad I settled on a leisurely stroll through the park.
Because I am feeling leaner, I took a huge risk (to my mental health) and weighed myself... I've lost 4.6 pounds since the last time I
was brave enough to weigh myself. I don't know how. I haven't been trying. Really, the only thing I've done has been to be consistent with my steps. Other than that, I eat what I want, when I want. No restrictions. It almost makes me want to pay better attention to what I'm eating. Even though I accept I'll never be "skinny", it would be nice to not be in the "overweight" category. I want the outside to match how healthy my inside is.
I'm off again tomorrow, too. This long weekend has been lovely. I didn't realize how much I needed it until today when I was getting ready to go to the park and thought about it. Getting away from work is so necessary, yet I underappreciate how important it is. Even if things are going okay at the moment. I need to be better about taking time off once in awhile. I always say that, but I never actually follow through. Maybe when my husband is more stable and I can count on his income to make up the deficient, since I don't get paid vacation days. Yet another reason why I don't take time off...
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