Therapist

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2016-04-29 10:58:43 (UTC)

I'm such a whore

okay. yeah I'm jelous of gabby since she gets all the good decent guys. I feel bad for using alex. Just want to see how I would be. idk don't get attached. maybe I did mean. maybe she's not trusting me anymore. maybe she knows o kinda though George was cute. oh well. he s the sweetest but gabby. dang. I understand they'd make a cute couple. sometimes I get mad because she's better than me in so many levels.
alex. friends are kinda cute but I'm to ugly for everyone. I still don't believe why alex even talk to me. maybe yo get in my pants. like no. 18 and unexperinced not even have my first kiss. yet. might never will. nope. nope.
I dont want to betray gabby I don't.
then again I don't want to feel anything. I feel like I'm doing what andres did to me. but forgive him?? not yet. still hurt.
I feel like a joke ... the class clown. thinking I have no feelings, when in reality I do.
idk. I think gabby doesn't like George what ever it's her problem I shouldn't worry. nope. nope.
not my problem. I believe it's true .. seniors wiyh underclassmen never work out. high school shit never works out. nope. I feel so bad, I'm not a good person. Gabby said I'd never find a guy if I have high standards. idk. where are the good boys go? I don't kniw. alex doesn't deserve this. Nothing. he doesn't deserve me. I don't deserve him. makes me question if he really does,like me... idk. I don't think he does... when I sent it to andres I still felt this electric shock, I don't feel that with alex. I feel bad, I don't feel a spark. I don't. I see him more of a little brother. as bad as that sounds. a little brother who has so many in securities that I feel like I can't do nothing about it, it's like naya meltdown senior year, she doesn't know what love is, I don't know what love is, idk if gabby likes me, idk if she ever did. if she thinks I'm dumb. I take things to seriously. and I shouldn't. people don't make it out alive. all bruised up, beaten. used, jelous, regrets. but we can't change yhat, becuase that makes us. that makes us what we are... humans... with feeling. feelings that we don't know we had, or ever felt. I don't know, if I feel anger with gabby becuase she points the flaws on me. and I'm wanting to change my self. someone to take me seriously. idk if gabby trusted me. she tells boys. I feel like a snake, I don't want to hurt her. but she hurt me. . she went out wit benj. Iseral. idk those don't count. idk, because she knows she's pretty, she knows she can get any guy. idk I feel like a whore. she gets flowers, showed off, I never had that. nope. I'm done. people like me don't deserve to be loved by the o posited sex lol I'm okay with that. I'm not perfect, god gave me day dream to depend on and cry about. friendships end, relationship end, my my determination and what defines me.. stays with me. Gabby shouldn't feel lost, confysed, she does, she's expected so much, proven her parents wrong too, that she's more than pretty. I'm proud of her. I was never honest with the boys, developed a mini crysh, but have false hope that she's keeping something from me. and so same with her. I don't rink she likes me. I don't th ink I'm her best friend. idk . Maybe I'm taking things to seriously and I shouldn't I'm 18 I have my whole life to stress about. I'm a terrible person at some point of thier life.

the geek freak/needy one




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