Therapist

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2015-12-02 10:14:02 (UTC)

Need to stop crying

Cr u ng over a damn essay is pretty pa th etic. You can say "I'm cryi ng over th is essay I have to write for english" as a metaphor but litterlly. I'm crying a lot. Staring at a blank priece of paper. To jot down my thoughts. Even though I'm doing it right now. I have to connect with the creature. Frankienstine. I'm feeling pretty stupid when I can't spell the name of the title or author names correctly. Oh well. What the hell. I hate this. I should've stayed in level class. Make my life easier. All I need to do is graduate. Teachers seriously don't care what you know all they want to know of you can do it wi th out knowing why th e hell you are doing it. Get me?

I don't th ink I'm going to a university. People are willing to spend so much money on a university and I'm over here acting really freaking nega to ve. I'm becoming so negative wi th myself it's ridiculous. I'm crying every night. I'm not crying. I shall not cry. Crying are just not a good way to live. I'm not living I feel traped. Like that girl in yellow wall paper. People don't belive she is sick, when she says she is. I belive th e writing is killing her though. Trying to make other understand what the hell she is saying. I feel lost. And dumb. I want to get lost in a book, instead of being forced to read it, and feeling presured. Naya said I'm not mature enough. To go to a community college. I belive th at true, but the makes me question if I'm lettin fb her label me. Like the book frankienstine, how he looks like a digusting freak but inside he is worth to love. But same with me. People belive I look like a child, lost all the time, and it Pisses me off. I know I will be needing to take remidel classes. For th e first year, I believe this high school did not prepare me wnough. It's high school teachers suck.

Sorry. Not sorry. When teachers think you are capable to do anything. And saying th ey know you. They don't . They have nothing on me. It gets me mad. And just thinking about high school is a joke. College is going to be a pain in the ass for me. Next year I'll be in lonestar. Taking remidel classes 😩 whi v is ...stupid wasting money on classes I already took. But oh. Well. What ever. I'm going to be known even if it takes me 6 years to graduate. I'm young and what to love what to it do. With out being time. Time is so precious. Man. School sucks ass. But if you want to be successful. "Go to college." I promised my self ITF I'm not out by the time im 30. I will literally be working 3 jobs so itfmm can get the hell out of here. I don't don't care don't care if don't care if I don't care if I have don't care if I have to lose contact wi th people. Especially gabby. Idk. Idk why she cuts her self if shes so pretty and smart. Smarter th an me. Doesn't mean I'm dumb. I'll try my very be at. Becuase right now I'm quiting. I'm quiting slowly. I'm doing this for my self. I feel like life is going to hit me hard after high school. Why. Working hard and paying bills. Time management skills. Man. I feel need help on th at. I never thought I'd end up going to a community college and taking high school courses becuase my dumb teachers never realy put motivation in wme. I will become an alumni and we'll known. I have tobwork. To work for a spot. That I can help people. With anythung. Work for youtube. Be careless. Not completely. But do what makes me happy. Idk what that will be. I talked to myself in front of my mirror. Never ender why I want to leave so bad. If I find I focal barley graduate high school. I'm failing to classes. Something I node me tells me im not graduating. Pull it together




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