Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2016-09-07 06:32:36 (UTC)

A Break From Reality

Today was harder than it needed to be. Unnecessarily frustrating, and the only reason I can think of is plummeting hormone levels. Fuck PMS. After all I've been through in this life, I think the universe should cut me some slack.

I started the day in a rather unconventional way. A casual game of Cards Against Humanity with Snookums. After everything we've been through, I thought some laugher would be good... and it was. I was his first time playing it, and now he wants me to find all the expansion packs. If only those happy moments had been enough to carry me through the day.

Kiki missed the bus after school today. I was all the way in Silverdale, trying to find pants and shoes for her (she has nothing. She's gotten so tall and her feet grew two sizes over summer - she wears an 11 in women's sizes) when I got the call. She couldn't get her locker open was the reason she gave me. My two concerns being 1) what happens if she misses the bus again while me or her dad are at work? My other question 2) why didn't Annie even casually look to see if her sister was on the bus? Middle and high school take the same buses to and from school, and Annie didn't realize Kiki wasn't on the bus until she got off and Kiki didn't. That concerns me a little.

My primary goal for the day was getting Keenan enrolled in ballet. I've been trying for days with no luck. I've left messages, called half a dozen times. Today I went in person, and the office is still under renovation, even though they said in person registration started yesterday. So, I called again. I walked around downtown, got a cup of coffee and a veggie wrap at Cups (a little coffeehouse that serves wraps and sandwiches) waiting for a call back. I wanted to stay close in case I needed to go in and register in person. But I didn't get a call, and decided to come home.

I came home to a pile of bills and confusing paperwork from the VA waiting for me on the counter. It didn't help me understand any better why Snookums hasn't been getting his benefits. And if I didn't understand, there's no way he's going to. That just tipped me over the edge. I gave up on the day. At 6pm, I was done adulating and sent myself to my room.

Anxiety and depression are the worst. All I want to do is disappear. I'm tired of trying, and I know if I try to articulate that to anyone in my life, all I'll get are things like "there are people who love you", "it's not that bad", "you have a good life", "be happy", and all the other well-meaning things people who don't get it say. I need a break from reality.




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