Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2016-09-02 07:29:34 (UTC)

What Options Do I Have?

I'm in a much better headspace tonight. Much better than last night, that's for sure. Better than this morning, too. The next month will be tough. Just like the last, and the one before that. But I can manage. Like I always do. I'm so sick of being strong. Being resilient. Being quick on my feet. Always hustling. Improvising. Making do, and making something out of nothing. But what options do I have? I'm starting to wonder if an easy, peaceful life is every in the cards for me. Seems like I've been coping with some level of stress and trauma since childhood. It will never end for me.

I felt an overwhelming urge to be alone today. Which wasn't hard to achieve since the kids are back in school. Jason worked graveyard shift last night, so when he got home this morning, he was ready for bed. I got dressed and left. I didn't feel like going too far from home, and the weather wasn't conducive to hiking (rain showers on and off all day. I wasn't in the mood for cold and wet). I went downtown and had coffee at a little local coffeehouse. Watched tourists take pictures of the kitschy Bavarian style architecture, and worked on managing some semblance of a budge for the next couple weeks. Our finances are a shambles, but there's nothing I can do for now.

I open tomorrow, so I probably should go to sleep. It's almost 1am... but sleep doesn't feel imminent. I suppose I could at least try.




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