rainy

My heart in a knot
2016-08-23 09:33:31 (UTC)

The root

I'm sorry I haven't written in a while although I had the time, I think I just wasn't ready to write because I've been thinking and trying to find the solution to my problems.


I'll start here: My goal for the rest of my life from this point on is to get rid of the health problems that I've ignored for so many years, that might mean going to the doctor and getting an unfavorable diagnosis, or getting my amalgams out when they were not the sole problem.


As of right now I've stopped my dentist visits as I was refusing to continue with the dentist I had since he was not using the safety precautions and materials that I think are going to help me, luckily he was fairly cheap and the tiny one he did was not on a major tooth and I don't have any serious pain, just a little sensitivity that hopefully will go away as time passes. But the major thing and concern I have was with the anesthetics that he used and if that is the major reason why my pulse rate increased and I've been having the same issue since going to him.


But the reason why I've stopped the dentist search for now is because I am starting to focus on a issue I've been having for a while now, my gut. The problem is that I've always just assumed I had belly fat like most people, but I don't believe what I have is belly fat. You see last week my sister went to the doctor because she was having fatigue and blood loss, apparently she had something in her cervix that was causing her problems, she recently had a surgery to get it removed. When she told me about that it had me wondering if my problem with my stomach isn't belly fat, bad digestion, or anything to do with my stomach at all but really my ovaries or cervix. If you can imagine I started to panic when I realized that my problem could be a lot worst then I first imagined, I looked up my symptoms and found all sorts of things, but one in particular that scared me; ovarian cancer. The problem with me trying to self-diagnosis is that I don't have all of the symptoms for that, I do however have very bad bloating which has only gotten worst this past week to the point I couldn't even eat.


Well, I set up an appointment with the doctor which isn't until September 29th! that is a month from when I first set up the appointment. Apparently they have a long waiting list. I considered going to the emergency room but I don't feel my symptoms are life threatening, but I will go if they get that bad. Right now I'm hoping just to go in and get a pelvic exam, I have never had a pelvic exam before but I looked it up on youtube and they do seem pretty intense. I've never had anyone go inside me before so it's going to be a first. I'm actually hoping that she could do an ultra sound of my uterus to see if everything is ok, once I determine that there is nothing abnormal with my reproductive system then I can move on to figure out what the problem could be. This is very nerve wrecking if you can imagine. The thing is that I've had this stomach problem for years now but because it was never painful or bothered me much I just ignored it, same with my brain fog and fatigue, it has never been a 24/7 issue so I put it to the side, pretty much ignoring my health.

I remember when I went to the emergency room last year hoping that they would figure out what was wrong with me but all my test came back normal. But they were focusing on the wrong areas. My health problems seem to be in 3 areas, my gut/stomach, my thyroid, and my brain... they are all some how connected but I don't know where the problem is starting.. one thing that makes me think it could be starting in my stomach/ reproductive system is that I have hormone issues during my menstruation period. This is all heavy stuff and if order for me to fix it so I can live a more productive life I need to know the cause of it, that was the reason for me looking into the amalgam controversy because from what I've read things seems to start there and spread to the rest of the body.. they even did an experiment on a cow where they placed amalgam fillings into the animals teeth and did an x-ray to see all of the areas effected because of the fillings. So it is very possible that my problems started in my mouth with the fillings and then spread to other areas of my body.. this is why I became so passionate about getting them removed.


The problem is lack of data... and naturally as someone in the social sciences who wants to focus on research I wanted to get that data. In particular I want to look at groups of people in poverty who have amalgam fillings and see what health problems they have. It's very frustrating not having a sure answer as to what the problem could be. I hate that they put these fillings in my mouth to begin with, but there must be thousands of other people with the fillings who don't have the same symptoms as me. That's the thing that makes me worry, although I believe that it's my smaller body size and lack of fat/muscle that makes me more venerable. Plus there is just a serious lack of my own health history for me to pin point the cause of my problems. The thing is that I never got physically sick much as a kid, the issues I had were always cognitive and the issue with my breathing. I suffered academically but there is no telling if those issues were related to the fillings or something else.


The thing is that during my last month at my old job I was really sick.. sicker than I've experienced before, I thought it was stress or just my body taking a heavy physical toll but I didn't really get better during that month between then and taking the GRE test. I am more stable now, despite my stomach issue being a problem.


I've always been the type to listen to my body. Lately my body has been telling me to be more active as if it's trying to purge some junk from itself but I haven't been only because it's still very hot and humid outside and I don't want to overwork my heart. Warm baths seem to be helping though, in fact showers/baths always seem to help me when I don't feel well. Right now I'm at the point of just moving forward with the removal of my fillings and hoping that that shuts off the source of my problems... and then using natural foods to heal the rest of my body. I've found another dentist in another city and I've already sent them a long list of questions to see if they can accommodate my needs, I am moving very slowly with this process because I don't want any damage done, I have 4 more fillings to go and they are on major teeth, teeth that see a lot of work when it comes to chewing food which also may be why my fillings effect me so much. My body also seems to be craving some type of clay or something to absorb something that is causing it stress.

I hope the whole "listening to my body" stuff doesn't sound crazy.. for me I feel like I've always been highly tuned into it, it's similar to when you have a craving for water when you're thirsty. I tend to take it a step further when I am having a problem and I let my mind focus on the area or need and then things just seem to fall in line as to what it wants. I'm not necessarily against modern medicine and pharmaceuticals but I do believe that some are unnecessary and most importantly is that every "body" is different. I use to think we were all the same, but it didn't really set in for me until I had given blood and went to the emergency room that my body doesn't handle things the same way other people's do. So many people are dying from cancer and other diseases and nobody knows how to cure it, that's very frustrating. But there are some people who smoke, drink and who have unhealthy habits and behaviors and they live to be 100.


Anyway.. I think everyone should try listening to their bodies, it seems to help to close your eyes and focus on the area you may be filling discomfort, then get an idea of what's happening internally, listen for any sounds, touch to see how it feels.. what makes it feel better, what makes it feel worst. I wish we could heal all diseases and everyone could be healthy.


Well I need to go look up some things, I've been putting in some applications, looking into the dental issue and getting ready for my next move.




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