sft

A Subs Space... OVER 18!
2016-08-18 13:21:52 (UTC)

And tomorrow is worse than the day before...

i was so excited i couldn't sleep last night. i woke at around 3am, and kinda drifted in and out till 5.30am. Then i gave up and got up.
It was a mad rush to get ready... especially having to go running, then other home duties, and bathing, and then work. So, i missed breakfast again :(
But i was happy as i went to work, and resisted the biscuits and cake :)
Then i got home to having my hopes dashed for meeting lisa :(
It all went wrong my end, and i had to quickly let her know, because i knew she was setting off at 12pm to meet me... it was 11.55 :(
she was lovely about it, but i knew she was gutted and i felt awful :'(

To make matters worse, an hour later, i was free again!!! i was so mad, and fed up :(

This morning, lisa told me she had written about how she felt about meeting me again after all this time in her blog, and she sent me the link.
i have been talking to her a bit on hangouts this afternoon, and when she disappeared, due to her phone being low on battery, i read it, because i didn't have time to this morning :(
It made me feel 100 times worse, and i cried, as i told Master about it via email :(

i just don't know how i'm supposed to be feeling about all this? It's so difficult! There's a lot more to it than i can write about here, and it's pretty confusing, and i'm wondering if i'm doing the right thing in encouraging her, even though i know we are both missing *something*... i'm not sure we should be returning to what we left behind now :(

i feel so bad. i want to hide away :( we're supposed to be meeting Sunday now, cos pi can't meet me. i really want to see her again, and more than that, i want us to *click*, and i want to *feel* that special feeling we had before when we first met, and played together.

i don't know if i'm doing the right thing for both lisa, and me, and if i hurt her, i will never forgive myself :'(

i've tried PM'ing Master on fet, because i saw Him there, but He hasn't replied, so i'm guessing it was just a quick on and off, because He's still away. i miss Him so much! i need Him to tell me what to do :(




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