Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2016-08-18 06:03:03 (UTC)

There Will Always Be Storms

As I was driving to work this morning, I though about how good I've been doing lately. I feel like I've really got my anxiety and depression in check (is it possible to suppress mental illness? Or am I managing it, learning to live with it, coping? I don't have the answer to that). Even on the days when things are less than ideal, I'm still managing better than before. Despite everything wrong in my life, I'm in a good place. There will always be storms. What matters is how I weather them.

It was my last day working with Jenna. Even though I was doing all the same behaviors (that generally make me successful), she kept overshadowing me and getting sales that I felt should have been mine. Usually this would put me in a foul mood, and my day would be ruined. I didn't let it. There will be good days and bad days. Even though I didn't feel like today should have gone like it did, really it wasn't too terrible. Besides, I probably won't be fighting for sales too much longer. I won't be eligible for sales incentives. But there will be store bonuses, more hours, and hopefully a bit of a pay raise.

At some point during work I came to the conclusion that I need rice noodles and stir-fried tofu and veggies for dinner. So, I stopped at Trader Joe's and Central (Trader Joe's didn't have rice noodles or sesame ginger sauce - which I wanted) before heading home. As I was heading down Highway 3 towards home, I got a glimpse of the western sky, the sun dropping behind the mountains, and the interesting haze causing a rainbow affect around the sun. I spontaneously found myself at Kitsap Memorial. Originally just to get a picture of the sunset, but when I got to the water's edge (there's a lookout that's above the beach) I noticed that the tide was out and there was actually some beach to walk on. It felt right. So, I walked on the beach and watched the sun drop behind the mountains. It was a good end to the day.

When I got home, the kids were hanging out in the kitchen. So, we talked while I cooked my late dinner. Even though they'd already eaten, it smelled so good, they had to have some too. I'd anticipated they'd want some (even though it was way past dinner time), so I got extra ingredients. There's plenty left over, too. So when Snookums and I are working they'll have some real food to heat and eat.

Speaking of Snookums working, today was his first day on the floor, patrolling the mall. Every time he walked passed my store, he'd smile all big, and wave at me, looking like a big goofy kid. I think he's feeling good about being back to work. Even though I know eventually the luster will wear off, and he'll come to reset this job, too. I hope he sticks it out. For the sake of our marriage. I can't go through another bout of self-imposed unemployment again. Whether it be because he quit or got himself fired. I just don't have it in me.




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