My Letter To The World
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2016-08-15 04:12:22 (UTC)


Mood: Tired but wired
Song: Give it away by George Strait
Color: Navy blue

Horrible realizations.

So i was asked again what i was doing with my life by someone i respect and care about greatly.
who of course only wants the best for me, wants me to do great and life and fulfill my destiny and purpose...
And while i am currently doing absolutely nothing with my life(which is why i despise the question) but i feel like i could say i'm working right now, or i'm going to school, or i'm traveling, or what ever and it would't even scratch the surface of being good enough to be able to say to them, to the people in my life.
Like i could work as hard as possible and go so far and i will never be able to live up to them and the lives they have led.
And it's not them being judgmental not at all i know that they love me and care about me and are encouraging me on.
It's like... something in me that's saying i will never be able to say i did something good enough to make them proud of me.
Which is a horrible realization because it makes things seem hopeless an unreachable goal hopeless.

I want so bad to make them proud.
I want so bad to do something that changes things for the good.
I want so bad to Be happy and joyful in life without being afraid.
I want so bad to be proud of myself and my accomplishments.
I want so bad to rise above all the negative things in me.
I want so bad to prove that i can do this, life, the future.

But i don't know how, i don't know how to jump into this unsteady ground and just be, i don't know how to do this, and life is scary.
and i'm on the edge of something i can feel it.
Maybe it's like getting a tattoo or Skydiving things i want that scare me that will be worth it once i jump.
But i don't know where to jump as far as life is concerned.
Do you?