Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2016-08-02 19:49:33 (UTC)

Swift and Hard

For some odd reason, I feel compelled to write... right now. I'm on lunch at work. It isn't uncommon for me to think about things I want to write about, but I'm pretty sure I've never felt compelled to write those thoughts in the moment. I rarely slow down at work. Even on breaks.

I've been in a serious slump the past few days. I couldn't even be bothered to wirte. I had nothing worth talking about. I just felt deeply low. In spirit, in energy, in every way. It came out of nowhere, but it hit swift and hard. It knocked me on my ass. So much so, I've spent the past two days sequestered in my room, in bed, half watching Law & Order and Criminal Minds marathons, eating all the vegan junk food. I don't feel much better for it today, but I have to work. I haven't gotten my 10,000 steps in in the past two days, either. So, physically I'm in pain. Walking keeps my back and hip flexible and more fluid. Sitting in bed is utterly counterintuitive to that. I'm paying the price today. Depression is such a bitch.

I had no problem waking up for work this morning. Doing nothing for two days straight is a pretty decent mental rest, though work isn't challenging at the moment. The only obstacle I've encountered is finding the desire to talk to customers. I'm feeling slightly better mentally, but I'm still in a very introspective place. Talking to strangers isn't my favorite thing on a good day, but when I'm dealing with my mental demons, it's almost agony. I seem to be past the worst of it, though.

The husband had a job interview yesterday. A security company in Seattle that provides security services to Amazon Headquarters. Amazon owns almost all the buildings on Capital Hill. He says he got the job. The pay isn't horrible. It's full time with benefits, and they pay the cost of his commute (he'll be taking the ferry over there). I'm concerned about him working full time while going to school full time and with a commute. He's tried it in the past and failed. He always sets himself (and our family) up for failure. I don't understand why he can't just find a steady part time/semi full time (30 hours or so) job locally. Why is this so hard for him? Why won't he listen to me? I know deep down be wants to make the most money he can, but that isn't what we need. We need him to be consistent. A steady income that meets our needs. Not to over extend himself then end up unemployed again. I fear I will never get through to him. And when this falls through, I'll be forced to do what I said I'd do... leave. Because I can't go through this again. Our cell service got suspended this morning because he didn't pay the bill. Yet another irresponsible move on his part I have to deal with. He exhausts me.




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