Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2016-07-25 09:08:38 (UTC)

I Sincerely Wish

I stayed up too late last night. Despite needing to be up by 9am, I still stayed up until well after 2am. Being nocturnal makes mornings so much more complicated. I sincerely wish I could just fall asleep because I have to. I didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want to make my smoothie (even though I felt hungry). I didn't want to get dressed. Almost as soon as I opened my eyes, I felt sick. Like I'd swallowed a hot rock. That feeling stuck with me until I finally dragged myself to the kitchen and made myself a smoothie. It helped calm the burning sensation.

All day my tummy felt bloated and uncomfortable. I couldn't tell if I needed to pass gas or poop... but neither was happening. Even more evidence that I need to get my eating reined in. I just can't seem to get myself on track. I want to eat better, but I also want to eat bread and ice cream, candy, donuts, and salty snacks. All the crap I absolutely don't need. I'm back on track with my smoothies, but the rest of the day is still garbage. I'll keep trying, though. I'm endlessly torn between wanting to get slim and fit, and wanting to fully embrace myself for who and what I am... but the reality is, I'm not happy embracing overweight, bloated, hedonistic Jennifer. I am happier when I'm healthier. That's what I need to keep reminding myself.

Still riding the wave of contentment at work. It's so weird. I'm not complaining, of course. It just feels really good to not want to cry before going to work. I hope it doesn't end. The happier I am at work, the more I want to pursue the Ops and Staffing position. I want to feel more connected again. I can't get over the thought that no one thinks I'm capable. I can't get past the idea that Laura has blacklisted me forever. Even though she's gone, I still feel like I'm never going to amount to anything more than I am, because she's made everyone else believe I'm not capable... including me.

After work Snookums and I took the kids on a hike through North Kitsap Heritage Park. We did the Forked Tongue Trail. All told, it was about 4 miles total. I had my best step day since I started using S Health in May. 19,901 steps. 9 miles give or take between work and our hike. I'm great about getting my steps in, but it's a well known fact you can't out-exercise a bad diet. Yet, here I am trying. Ugh...

I'm off tomorrow, and I'm torn between wanting to stay in bed all day, and wanting to go on an epic hike. If I stay up much later, I'm not going anywhere, so that's were I'll start my decision. Sleep. Maybe if I get more of it, I'll feel like getting up in the morning.




Ad: