My Letter To The World
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2016-07-24 06:53:13 (UTC)

Top 10 things that have hurt me

Mood: Tired, wired and freaked out by a bug that was on my blanket -_-
Song: Little toy guns by Carrie Underwood.
Color: Bronze

I was asked today by someone close to me what are the top 10 things in the world that have hurt me, not specific instances or people but just things in general and I got to thinking about it and this is my answer.

1. Death.
Death is the top number one thing in the world that has hurt me, while I do believe in God and in heaven and I know that there is hope for people, death is a final separation of people in life.
Once someone you love dies you are never going to see them again on this earth and that hurts, that hurts more than anything else I can think of. worse than the rest of the things on this list and definitely worse than any physical pain.

2. Sickness.

Sickness is the second worse thing that has ever or will ever hurt me, while sickness can lead to death it doesn't always and no matter what it leads to death, or recovery it effects the rest of your life.
As a person who spent a good amount of their childhood in and out of hospitals sick, I can say that it didn't effect my quantity of life but it did effect the quality of life and that's where it hurts, it hurt me as I went through it and it hurts me as I watch people I love go through it, weather it be as mild as a cold or as major as cancer or something like it.

3. Betrayal.
Betrayal is definitely the third thing that has hurt me the most in the world....
I have felt betrayal from family, from friends and from Churches, from people that should never hurt you and yet they do, some not meaning to and other out of anger hate and purposeful spite.
This isn't an easy one to forgive and move forward from as it's emotional and once trust is broken it's very hard to... act like it wasn't weather it be with the people who actually hurt you, or new people who have nothing to do with it.

4. Lying
I hate people who lie, i'm not saying I've never lied, i'm not saying I never will again, i'm human and imperfect, but over all I have a moral code for myself and I don't lie very often, even in situations that I would love to lie, to save myself some grief, to spare someone's feelings ect.
and I know some people think I lie a lot, some people think i'm living a lie, but i'm not.
It's not always easy but i'm pretty much an open book if someone asks me something i'll answer honestly.

5. Words.
I have been hurt by words many times, to many to count just like we all have, but unlike the rest of the world i'm not about this whole, i'm going to pretend that didn't hurt me and act like I don't care thing.
sometimes things roll off me and sometimes things crush me and people know which it did pretty much instantly.
And I thought about not putting this on here because I already put lying but words and lying are two different things, I mean a person can lie by withholding information just as easily as spreading false information.
some words that have hurt me are:
Fat, Ugly, liar, Fake, Mean, you tell secrets, Your worthless, your nothing, your going nowhere with your life, I can't trust you, I hate you, your not who I thought you were, go to hell, ect.
Words do matter, so be careful what you say.

6. Broken Relationships
Weather it be with a family or a friend broken relationships hurt a lot, because you just kind of fall out and you lose a person with out death, and things are just left forever hanging in the air unresolved and you still have all the memories and the good things about this person and you don't know what to do with that emotion...
You learn to live with the pain of loss, without actually losing someone and that is sometimes just as difficult as loss by death because the person is still here living their life and you never give up hope that things could be fixed.

7. Manipulation
Manipulation is so harmful and so horrible when you realize after the fact that someone you care about was only doing or saying something to you so that they could get something in return.
weather it be a physical thing like money or stuff, or things like attention or answers, or what ever.
being manipulated makes you want to lock up your heart and your mind and throw away the key so that people can't get that close anymore.
It makes you doubt people and question things and it makes you lost and innocents that I wish I still had.

8. Anxiety
Anxiety is something that has hurt me all my life and something that literally is like hell, because it effects your physical health, your spiritual health, your emotional health, ect.
it effects your self esteem and your confidence which in turn effecs how you act, and how you see the world.
and when you a have an anxiety attack well you basically feel like your going to die, and you wish it, but you don't you just keep living you just keep feeling it and you survive and you get through it, but it leaves it's scars like I said it effects your life.
but while I say this I have to say, that it's worth it to keep going and to live and to be happy. cause it gets better it always gets better if your at the absolute worst...well you can only go up from there.

9. Hate
Have you ever been hated by someone? I have.
Have you ever been hated by a group of people? I have.
Have you ever hated someone? I have.
Have you ever hated a group of people? I have.
Hate is hate no matter which way it's flying... and it's a heavy burden to bare weather it's someone else's contempt for you(weather it's founded or not)
or weather its you holding a grudge and hating someone else which of course only hurts you more, because well they don't care as much as you do that your hating.
but those who say they don't care at all that someone hates them well that's just not true, it's not in human nature to not care, it's not in our nature to accept that someone doesn't like us.
I'm tired of hate, i'm tired of being judged and held in contempt by others and I'm tired of my own harmful words, thoughts and actions.
hate hurts me.
hate hurts us all.
and I imagine if we really thought about it hate would be on most peoples lists of the things that have hurt them the most in the world

10. Disappointment.
It hurts when you are disappointed, and it also hurts when someone disappoints you it is a deep pain inside of you that wants to be a people pleaser and when you can't live up to something or someone(which you shouldn't even try to do in the first place) you feel like your worthless and just a screw up that can't get it right and that can be scaring.
Also when someone disappoints you your heart falls a little bit and if someone keeps disappointing you over and over it can turn you into a cynical person.
and either way being disappointing or being disappointed it make the list of the most painful things for me.

So that's my list of the top 10 things that have hurt me the most in the entire world.
it's kind of a bummer of an entry but it's an interesting thing to think about, what has hurt you and how you can deal with those painful things because they are a part of life.
and as I said above it's worth the living.