Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2016-07-15 07:22:09 (UTC)

Better Ways To Cope

I fully expected today to be a great day. There was no reason for it not to be. Aside from things outside of my control, everything I can control is currently under control. As hard as I try not to place my happiness in or on anyone else, the current situation with my husband is weighting heavily on me. Even more so because his stepmother keeps texting me about it. I woke up again to passive aggressive/meddling/bossy texts from her, wanting to know what he's doing, did he go see his boss at Trader Joe's, is he back in school, what's his next move? Half of these questions Jason doesn't have the answers to himself, so how the hell am I supposed to? She's called me an enabler and told me that I'm foolish for staying with him, when in our last conversation she told me it's my job to make sure he doesn't make stupid choices. I think my interactions with her are stressing me out more than the situation I'm in with Jason. Actually, I know so.

I spent the first half of the day sequestered in my bedroom. I woke up happy, but after talking with Helena I just felt moody and agitated. I almost wish we could go back to the years of radio silence. It was less of a negative presence in my life. I don't like Sue much better, but at least she doesn't make me angry. I guess I would rather have nothing to do with either of my mother in law's, but that isn't likely to happen, so I'll have to work on finding better ways to cope. I can't let them dictate my moods so readily. It's not fair to me. I'm already dealing with enough, being married to their son.

I got dressed so the kids and I could go to the farmer's market before Keenan's ballet class. Keenan came in while I was getting dressed and asked if we were going to the farmer's market. I said yes, and assumed he would take that as his cue to get dressed, and have his sister get dressed, too. I was wrong. I came out of my room and they were sitting on the dining room floor playing a game. I was already in a short mood. That didn't help. By the time they got dressed, we made it out the door, and got to the market, we had all of 10 minutes before we had to turn around and drive back to Poulsbo for Keenan's class. At least I got my organic berries...

Keenan loves ballet. Really, it was one of the bright spots in my day, watching him dance. He's the only boy in his class, and there's only 3 kids in the class total, so he gets lots of attention from his teacher, and I hope that helps entice him to continue with it. He looks so natural doing it. His frame, his body type, his posture, everything about him looks right. I'd love to see him keep dancing. We're still trying to find something Kiki is interested in. She flat out said she just wants to sit on the couch and eat snacks. She's her dad's daughter.

I dropped the kids off at home with their dad, and went off on my own. As any true caffeine addict, I was starting to develop a headache because I hadn't had any coffee, so I treated myself to my favorite toffee nut soy latte. It sucks that the little luxury I used to allow myself all the time has to be a treat now. At least until our money issues ease up a little.

I went for a walk (that turned into a 4 mile hike) through North Kitsap Heritage Park. I love those trials and woods so much. By this time it was approaching dusk. My god, the woods were magical! I took short cut trail and found power line trail. There are still so many to discover, but it was getting dark, so I had to turn around. I made my steps easily, but still felt the need to get a little more exercise, so I decided to go to the gym, too.

I warmed up a bit on the treadmill, although I didn't really need to since I'd already done all that walking. I did a full circuit of all the selectorized machines, some bicep curls with free weights, and crunches on a stability ball. A pretty good total body workout. I've been going to the gym once a week, but really I need to make it more of a priority. I feel so good after a workout. Why not get them in more often? As well as all my steps.




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