Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2016-06-30 04:12:56 (UTC)

I'm On Autopilot

When my alarm went off this morning I legitimately thought I was going to cry. For whatever reason, I had a hard time shutting off last night. It took hours to fall asleep, and once I did I had a hard time staying asleep. I'd wake up every hour or two basically just to look at the time. It's so frustrating. I can't think of why it keeps happening. My only solution would be to smoke more cannabis, but at what point will enough be enough? Eventually I'll be smoking a whole damn plant every night! Okay, that's an exaggeration, but really? At what point will my tolerance plateau? This is probably a good question for my budtender next time I go.

I've been feeling very disconnected from myself lately. I can't really elaborate on that other than to say I feel... adrift. Like I'm distracted from who and what makes me feel whole and happy. I'm going through the motions, and it's okay, but not contributing to my happiness at all. I don't really feel sad, but I'm not feeling focused or particularly fulfilled. I need to fix that. As is often the case, though, I'm not sure how to go about that. I'm not even really sure what's going on. I'm on autopilot.

I actually had a really good day at work. Despite feeling very sleepy and disoriented this morning (counting registers was a nightmare), I felt pretty upbeat and productive most of the day. With the exception of a couple hours in the middle of the day when it got busy and I couldn't keep up with the go backs in the fitting room (so. much. swim. I almost cried), I kept plugging away pretty well. We consolidated the sale bras onto three knockdown tables, and set the feast table with the new Very Sexy push ups. By the time I finished redressing mannequins, it looked so much better than it had this morning. I felt very accomplished.

We took the kids to the Silverdale Waterfront Park to check up on the baby salmon again. There was even more of them! And we saw two starfish, which I haven't seen in years. Then we had pho for dinner. A good end to the day.

I'm in bed now. I have been for about an hour, and it's only 9:30pm. I feel like I deserve some kind of reward for getting in bed so early... a pint of Ben and Jerry's vegan ice cream should do.




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