šŸƒAmanda22Janeā¤

Ghost Writer
2016-06-30 00:16:11 (UTC)

Cold Thursday Write On.

Time to put forefinger to keyboard and write about what is and what isn't going on in my life.

Loneliness vs Aloneness.

Battling on vs Defeat and Surrender.

Justifiable Anger vs Being Plain Fucked Off & Frustrated.

Sadness vs Joy & Contentment.

PTSD vs Sheer Fear.

Listening to Hula Hoop SPOTIFY NZ which reminds me poignantly of my daughter. Yes..."The Daughter." Feelings, memories, hardship, joy and struggles.

K : "Estai undeluv u."

Feel strong on my own right now.
I no longer look over my shoulder in a cowering act of blatant hypervigilance as I step out in public.

Miss reading the holy scriptures. I'm reviewing Christ's three year ministry in my heart and mind instead...and as I remember to. My scriptures -(and the rest of my household contents) are in storage with a tresspass order in place at the location they have been sitting for nearly two years.
The tresspass was served on me because dickwhacker male friend told his father that I assaulted bitchsister and the police kicked me out of her house in Sth. Akld. When dickwhacker admitted that he had told his father this lie, I "hit the roof" and understandably railed at him. As usual no apology and no lifted tresspass.

Using free WiFi service available in town and in order to do this, I brave the cold for two hours, sit in the bus stop and enjoy the best I can. THANKYOU WDC very much.

I'm not reloading my phone with credit for a fortnight. Need $$ for my grandchildren, bless their hearts.
Still haven't got gson his XBox gold card and some cash for gdaughter.

In an unexpected brave spur of the moment, I whacked three nails on the head today in under an hour :

1. Asserted myself at the desk of MSD concerning my income status. Appointment success. Got one. Self-advocacy in tentative action.
2. Went into CAB and successfully got another appointment for ten minutes free legal advice with my ordeal with CYF/The Family. Self-advocacy in action again.
3. Went into the bank to ask for a breakdown of my bank fees. Finally got it after asking for this more than half a dozen times. Asked for an appointment to see a personal banker so I can begin student overdraft repayments after fourteen years of paying interest on it. I've paid the overdraft fucker one and a half times over in interest alone without paying a cent on the overdraft itself. That's how unwell I was and I told the bank clerk that. Got a silent snigger (lip twitch) fuck YOU BITCH. Cannot wait for the day that I get rid of this bank for good. Been banking with them since I was eight years old. It's been bought out several times. Self-advocacy. A miracle.

"Feel no fear Amanda22Jane, life is an adventure."

I have a "poor man's" mentality. I'm not going to do this, nor succumb to this anymore. I'm not a destitute soul. No I'm not.

I'm cut off from my family, past friends are threatened by me and present day connections are crumbling and emotionally dismantling before my very eyes.

"Look forward in faith and trust in Me." Says God to me.

Ease
God
Out.

Face
Everything
And
Recover.

It's cold in my body as Winter closes in around me sitting here writing. I'm going to start walking again soon...core temperature is dropping.

I still haven't started my book. Fear and uncertainty again.

"It -(whatever that is) - works when I work at it.

Miss writing here every day. I really do. That's just the way it is right now.

KIA KAHA!!





Ad: