Interrupted
My Life Thus Far
A State Of Contentment
In this moment, I'm feeling so content. It's fantastic. As you well know, achieving a state of contentment is something I am continuously grappling with. I think grasping at feelings of peace, security, warmth, kindness, etcetera, are inherently part of the human condition. No matter what we have, we'll always be searching for that elusive holy grail of happiness.
On the topic of happiness, writing about it made me think of an observation I made today while being with Snookums on what should have been a really fun day together... he is unhappy. I don't mean mildly, either. He's profoundly unhappy. There wasn't a single aspect of our day he didn't find fault in, or have some sort of complaint about. He judges others extremely critically, expects everything his way, can't find the good in anything, and rarely enjoys what he's doing. I know we all go through periods like this, myself included, he's just so negative. I've been so busy working on my own issues, I'm not sure when this started (for him), but it definitely jumped out at me. I tried talking with him about it at lunch. Suggested some ideas for improving his mood and general outlook on things, and he basically blew me off. That's how he always is when it comes to anything that might be touchy-feely. I love him. I know he loves me. I question how much he loves himself. Sometimes I wish he loved himself enough to do some self-improvement. He'd be better for himself, me, and his family. I don't know how to get him to see that.
Snookums and I woke up this morning with the desire for adventure. We mulled over many ideas, but came to the conclusion that Whidbey Island/Deception Pass. I think the last time I was there was back in 2013 when Corey was here visiting. Not since then, and that was kind of a bittersweet memory. More good than bad, though... It was good going back and making more good memories in a place that once harbored so many bad ones.
We arrived in Port Townsend a little after 12pm, hoping to catch the 12:30pm ferry, but since that route is down to one very small ferry, it's almost exclusively by reservation only. I think maybe 10 cars that didn't have a reservation made it on. We weren't one of them. So, we had to wait until the 2pm sailing. A bit of a bummer (one of several situations leaving my husband upset, swearing, and wanting to physically harm someone - not really, but he says things like that when he's mad). So, in an attempt to improve his mood, I suggested food. His favorite thing. We walked the few blocks from the ferry into downtown Port Townsend. I let Snookums choose where we ate, and he chose Khu Larb, the Thai place I love so much. So, it was a win for me. I had a fantastic stir-fried cashew tofu dish. Lots of broccoli, peppers, onion, mushrooms with cashews and tofu in the most amazing sauce ever. I want to order it again the next time I go there, but I'm scared it won't taste as fantastic as it did today.
Snookums wanted to stop for a cup of coffee on the way back to the ferry, and we cut it pretty close getting back. I was so sure we'd miss it, but we made it with less than 5 minutes to spare! While we were waiting to board (and once I was sure we'd make it back) I went ahead and booked our returning reservation... in the nick of time. The only sailing that had room was the 7:30pm. Not even the later ones had space! I would have preferred the 6pm, but it wasn't to be.
Our time on the island involved a little walk down memory lane as we drove through Coupeville on our way to Deception Pass, a little hiking (along the Goose Rock trail), and the most scary experiences I've had in awhile... walking across the Deception Pass bridge. Oh my goodness. I killer drop on your left, highway 20 traffic on your right. With only a cable guard rail for protection. It was a teeny bit panic inducing, but I did it. Coming back for some reason was a little easier, but I was still not loving it. I don't know why I was so anxious. I'm generally not afraid of heights.
We also visited downtown Coupeville (which was almost totally closed by the time we got there a little after 5pm), and then Fort Casey State Park. It's one of the three forts that used to guard the entrance into Puget Sound along with Fort Flagler and Fort Worden. It also happens to encircle the ferry terminal, so there was no way we'd miss our sailing! It was such a beautiful day. I had a great time. The only thing that could have made it better, was if Snookums actually seemed like he was enjoying it, too. All day I kept getting the feeling that he was only doing this because he knows I like it.
I got to spend some quality time with the babies when we got home. I promised them that tomorrow when they get home we'll do something together. The past few days I haven't had much time with them, because I closed. I get off early tomorrow, so I'll have plenty of time to spend with them. I do need to do Annie's birthday shopping, and I need to get a few things at Costco, but I'll still make it home before them. I promised them.
Kim texted me while I was waiting for the ferry and asked if I could come in at 8:30am. I wanted to say no, but I didn't. It wouldn't have been nice of me to do that. So, I'd better get to bed. I shouldn't be late tomorrow... but I probably will be.
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