Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2016-05-18 07:25:58 (UTC)

I Can't Remember Enjoying It More

It was a noteworthy day. It most definitely didn't start out that way, but it ended well, and I'm proud of myself for turning it around. Even if it was very late in the day.

I struggled with pain almost as soon as I opened my eyes. I could go round and round over what I should have done about that. I should have gotten up and made myself a nutritious breakfast (I didn't). I should have gotten up and gone walking (I didn't). I was feeling mentally pained as well. Sadness. So much of it, settled upon me like a lead blanket. I think that's a fair assessment of what depression feels like. A lead blanket. Heavy, painful, smothering. And yet, at times, you want to hide under it. And that was my day. I laid under my lead blanket of depression and pain until I had no choice but to get up for work.

In my dark moment, I decided to do something important for my mental health. Waking up in a pit of despair was the catalyst I needed to step away from Facebook long term. It's no secret I've been thinking about taking a break for awhile. The moment has arrived. A little before noon I checked the last of my notifications, and then deactivated. I didn't respond to a few friend requests (which I didn't think about until right as I was deactivating), but I suppose they'll be there when I get back. Maybe. Who cares. I can still use messenger, which is nice I guess. I don't think most people know that. I messaged Corey to let him know. He's the only one I care to receive messages from. Gen can just text me. My dad lives here. Everyone I'd want to message is accounted for.

Wasting a day laying in bed ironically left me with no energy. The fact that I didn't eat anything all day, either probably didn't help. I stopped at Starbucks for coffee, and quite frankly I can't remember enjoying it more than I did tonight. I also bought two cold-pressed juices to drink on my break. I definitely think they helped. Along with the watermelon I left in the fridge to nibble on. Even though it was slower than molasses (I probably only helped 10 customers all evening), it was still good. Perhaps a solid argument that proper nutrition helps with mood. I felt much better about life once I'd consumed 30oz of raw juice and 3 cups of organic watermelon. I've got to up my fruit consumption. I'm getting lax again.

Due to payroll constraints, we had to close the registers and get out early. It was 9:36pm when I got to my car. Usually I'd sit in the parking lot, scrolling away on my phone, wasting time. I wasted so much time scrolling... instead I checked my steps for the day and made the realization that I hadn't gotten anywhere near my goal. Which I've been making less and less predictably these days (also something I want to fix). As I was brainstorming ways to get more steps in I had the epiphany that my gym bag was in the trunk of my car. So I said, "fuck it, I'm going to the gym". In my head, of course.

I walked on the treadmill, did my usual circuit of weight machines, and learned that my phone counts elliptical rotations as steps (good to know, more steps faster). Proper nutrition and exercise... I felt whole again at 11pm. I stopped at Central Market for one of my favorite quick dinners (Boca nuggets, Amy's mac and cheese, green beans, and corn), then came home to settle in and enjoy my first Facebook free night (since December). It's been great. Way less stress. I'm curious to see how long this hiatus lasts.




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