Snuffy

Danielito
2016-05-13 15:57:54 (UTC)

Mornings are hard

I had a dream I was hanging out with Jamie and she casually mentioned her boyfriend, to let me know she was dating someone and that she was off limits. Then I instantly thought of Colleen - that she might be seeing someone new and it killed me. I woke up with the worst feeling. It subsided shortly thereafter. I had to reason with myself that it was not likely and that there was no point in feeling imaginary pain. But it gave me an idea of what it's going to feel like when I learn she has moved on.
Like when Brittany resisted dating me because she wasn't ready to date anyone, then the day I tell her I was seeing someone she was like "Oh me too!" Uggghhh....
There's no misinterpreting that.

So if I was smart, I'd text Colleen that I can't do this anymore and that she is welcome to contact me again if she wants to go on a date but I can't continue like this. I need to be all in or all out. That's the right thing to do, right? BUT I DONT WANT TO!
What if I tell her I want to get back together, that I'm ok knowing she has feelings for her ex because I know eventually those feelings will fade away and I want to be next in line, because I believe in us. I believe there's something worth pursuing here.
If she says no, then I can say, "Well, I respect your decision, though I don't understand it. But I can't go on like this. I need to be all in or all out. So contact me only when you're ready to date again."

When do I make this happen? It has to be a phone conversation. I have to find the right time to ask if I can call her.

I also want to say, "You're passing up something good because you're hung up on something you can't have."
It doesn't make sense but the heart is the most illogical prick. And that's what she'll say. She'll also say that it's not fair to me and I'll say I'd rather work it out with her than be where I am now! This is torture.




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