Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2016-05-07 05:55:03 (UTC)

Crushed Or Stabbed

I dream of one day waking up an not being in pain. Someday, I'll make it from morning to night without feeling like I'm being crushed or stabbed. Someday... until then, I'll deal the best I can. But god, it's so tiresome.

I woke up in bad place this morning. I couldn't decide if I wanted to throw up or cry. Or both. My back and hip kept me up again last night, and getting out of bed as a monumental task. I succeeded, though. By the time I got out of the shower and dressed, I felt a little more human. By the time I got to work, I felt pretty confident I'd make it through the day. And I did. It was a good day.

Work flew by. Allison has been scheduling me short shifts. Instead of long days, but 3 days off a week, she's doing slightly shorter shifts (or half days) and only 2 days off a week. I gotta give her credit. She's given me pretty good schedules I can't complain too much about. Other than I have to work at all. I don't think there's much out there that would pay me to do nothing. So, I'll keep trudging along at VS. I get paid well enough for something I can do well without thinking too much about.

I got to spend the afternoon with Annie, something we haven't done in a VERY long time. I can't even remember how long it's been. Her friend Mary is on the drill team at Bremerton High School, and she had a showcase tonight. Annie asked if I'd take her earlier this week, and my schedule just happened to cooperate. Dad agreed to watch the little ones, so we made a whole afternoon/evening of it. We picked Mary up some flowers, went to MOD for dinner, got coffee, and then headed to Mary's showcase.

I can't remember bleachers being so uncomfortable in high school, but I think my back and hip pain played a huge part in my massive discomfort. Towards the end, I was in excruciating pain. I couldn't sit any longer. I had to limp out during the last performance. Standing would have been too much of a distraction where I was. So I left early. Annie didn't mind at all. She's getting to spend the night at Mary's house, also something that doesn't happen very often. I like Mary a lot, and her mother is great. I trust her with my girl. I feel compelled to be more social towards her, since she's so close with Annie, but socializing in any capacity is something I continuously struggle with.

While I was gone tonight Keenan had a little accident. He fell down and got hurt. He cut up his hand and his knee, and bit his lip pretty good. He was okay when I got home, and by no means do I blame dad what happened. It would have happened had I been here. Kids are rough and tumble and he just took a spill. But there's still that little twinge of "I leave and look what happens". Like, me not being home somehow facilitated the accident. It didn't, and I shouldn't put that kind of condescension on myself.

Tonight's the first night I'm trying Girl Scout Cookies. I've been trying to use the last of the old cartridge. The Black '84, but even though it still makes vapor, I don't think I'm getting very much cannabis oil in it. I can't really tell. There's still some brown liquid in the chamber, but a lot of clear, too. I'm thinking this could be a huge reason I've been in such pain the past few days. Also why I'm not sleeping well. It all makes sense now. That and the fact that I've taken two puffs, and my back is much more well-behaved. There's still some twinges, but by no means like it was 15 minutes ago... and no hip pain. YES! So far, my first impressions of this strain are good. Pain is mellowed dramatically. I feel peaceful, but not totally knocked out (I have only taken two puffs, though). Writing this entry is feeling easy. The words are flowing, so it's definitely beneficial to my creativity. I like it. I read an article on Leafly that said Girl Scout Cookies is the most popular strain amongst women. I didn't want to be influenced by that, but it seems to be proving true for me. I like it already!

I'm going to go eat some mangoes, enjoy my high, and hopefully sleep blissfully tonight!




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