Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2016-05-06 07:06:25 (UTC)

Low On The Mood Elevator

It's been a sullen day for me. I slept like shit last night, and despite expecting to sleep in this morning, I woke up at 7:30am and couldn't fall back to sleep. Just when I was ready to get up and make my customary morning smoothie, the power went out. For reasons I still don't know. It was a beautiful day. I wasn't even upset about that, though. I'd already decided to go for a little nature walk. I got dressed, and just as I was getting ready to leave dad came home from wherever he went this morning, and decided to chat me up. Usually this would be fine, but since I was a little low on the mood elevator (due to lack of sleep, and perpetual, unending pain), the last thing I wanted to do was talk. But I did for awhile. Well, I tried.

I've come to the conclusion that living with dad has knocked him off the pedestal I'd placed him on. This has happened before, but it was more like he got knocked to a lower pedestal. Now he's totally at ground level. I've realized that he isn't as open-minded as he'd like me to believe, and I suspect he doesn't agree with me on a lot of things. I don't expect everyone to agree with me. It's just surprising that he isn't what he seems. For example: we were talking about a friend of his on Facebook and he said something like "this guy talks to me like he's a girl. I don't care if he's gay, but I told him I don't play that crap". To me, that has the undertones of homophobia. He said he didn't care, but immediately follows it with "I don't play that crap". Maybe I'm reading too much into it. This is just one of many irritations I've found. There's also the over-inflated ego I would love to deflate, but can't bring myself to do it. He's been through a lot. I guess I could try to be nice.

I don't like Snookums very much right now, either. I'd planned on going for a hike. I stopped at Starbucks for coffee, and as I was getting ready to decide on where I wanted to go, Snookums messaged me. He asked me what I was doing, and I told him. He asked me to wait for him to get off so he could go with me. I said sure, since he was getting off in about an hour at that point. I walked around TJ Maxx, bought a new citrus juicer and a vegetti. We met at Target so I could grab tampons for Annie, and the he said we'd meet at home, grab the kids and go. Well, I came home but he didn't. Finally, he messages me again and asks if I need anything from Central Market. I would have went to Central with him had I know he was going there! When he got home, it seemed like he wanted to do everything but go hiking with me. Finally, at 5pm he messages me (from our bedroom, 5ft from where I'm sitting) to go on without him. What the fuck? I would have gone without him at 2pm like I'd planned to! I waited around all day for him, and he stands me up. Via messenger, from the next room. I was already in a low place, and then he does that?!

A friend posted that she was at the Bremerton Farmer's Market, which brightened my day a little. I was wondering when it was going to start back up. So, I got the kids together (Kiki and Keenan) and took them to the farmer's market. It's one of our favorite traditions. I always have Thursdays off, so it works out perfectly. There wasn't much produce yet. It's still early in the season, but I got some locally grown asparagus, and some gluten free/vegan muffins from Laughing Dog Kitchen. It was the bright spot in my disappointing day.

Now I'm back in bed, embracing the throbbing ache in my hip. When will it ever end? Why is it all of a sudden so bad? Snookums thinks I should call a chiropractor, but I'm skeptical that's going to work. I don't really believe anything will help. The constant pain is 90% of my issue with life. I need some relief, and I don't know how to get it.




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