My Letter To The World
To bottom ↓
To top ↑
RSS subscribe

my-diary.org tip jar

Ad 0:
yX Media - Monetize your website traffic with us

2016-04-28 07:16:20 (UTC)

Best of both worlds

Mood: Tired satisfied good content
Song: Silence
Color Green with flecks of pink

Today was good, today went fine i didn't feel like an outcast in a this group of people i felt like i belonged for the first time and that was...scary, good, okay, fine...weird... yeah.
I mean i sat with them and i took pictures and i got a little out of my comfort zone and that was also good for me.
I had a thought of where would i sit and who would i talk to and where am i supposed to belong here.
but it was fleeting and i didn't let it stop me.
And honestly today i got the best of both worlds i got FBCG and i got my friends, i got to hang out with Brandon and Kamber and B.
in this new setting of my life and that was okay... that was good.
and it's like i accepted it and they accepted it and i realized that i knew more about this new place and these people than i thought when i was asked about something i usually knew the answer and i surprised my self because i didn't mean to learn about these people but i did.
But when i pulled up to the park and saw all those people just being together and enjoying each other, the beautiful day and just the time we had... i had a moment sitting in my car where i thought to my self this exact thought "This could be home" These people. this place.
I'm not saying i'll never have relapse moments where i hate it here and where i still won't be mourning the loss of what used to be... but it was a moment and it happened and maybe i'll be able to embrace more of it over time.
I think the thing is is i'm at my happiest here when i do have the best of both worlds when i do have my friends around me and i kind of get to combine the future with the past and it's just good.
I realized recently the part of MSBC that i can't live with out... is the part that i still have with me.
The people that i can't live with out are still with me and the rest...well they are still digging there own graves.

And that was comforting...that the part that i can't live without is the part that i got to keep.
And that's an amazing Gift that God gave me when it felt like i was losing everything.
I'll have my moments...i know because i know me... but i really am lucky, I'm blessed and i will do my best to remember that.

I had a good day today over all, there was some drama, there were some tears, but you know it ended well.
Today i finished well and so did those around me it's a victory today is a victory and some day's stay gold forever and if i had to give this day a color i would say Gold because of the light and just the weather and the season... today was just tinged gold.