Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2016-04-18 05:15:39 (UTC)

It All Came To A Head

My self care habits have become almost non-existent since dad got here. I can't blame it on him. It's not his fault. This is entirely on me. I'm just focusing too much on him, and not enough on myself. I care more about not disturbing him in the morning than I do about making sure I get my smoothies. I care more about sitting up with him at night talking about life than I do about actually getting enough sleep. I care more about the fact that he holds old stereotypes about cannabis, than I care about the fact that it's my medicine. It's my sleep aid, anxiety/depression med, my pain relief. I care too much about what he'll think or say, and not enough about what's actually healthy and necessary in my life. Well, it all came to a head today. I feel absolutely awful. I'm not getting what my body needs, and it's no one's fault but my own.

I knew when I dragged my sorry ass out of bed to get ready for work that I needed to get back on track. I'm not making my smoothies in the morning because I don't want to bother dad with the loud blender. So, basically I'm just not eating all day. I'll drink coffee until after 4pm, then I'll eat everything in sight (vegan, of course). It's not healthy. Not nurturing to my body at all. I feel depleted. This afternoon when I got out of bed (afternoon because I didn't fall asleep until almost 5am), I actually felt dizzy and a little light headed.

Work was a chore because of how drained I felt. I got through it because it was just a short 4 hour shift, but I didn't have the enthusiasm I have been exhibiting, and it showed in my numbers. I still came out a head of the goals, but only barely. I was glad when 6pm rolled around.

Snookums told me I needed to go get my cannabis. I value the input the budtenders at Sea Change offer. They really know what they're talking about. I told the guy working tonight that I felt like I was building a tolerance to the Black '84. Really it doesn't have much to do with which strain I've been using. I'm going to build a tolerance regardless. He showed me the next step up from what I'm currently using. It's a vaporizer that vapes cannabis concentrates. They're little wax like blobs of the good stuff an a ceramic coil heats them up and releases the THC and CBD into a vapor. I'm thinking about upgrading. But for now, I went with a cannabis oil cartridge of Girl Scout Cookies. I did some research on Leafly and it's got glowing reviews. I'm excited to try it.

I've got to go to bed. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to stay awake. It's a struggle writing this, so I think I'll close for the evening and do what my body is telling me I best. Sleep.




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