Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2016-04-04 07:27:12 (UTC)

The Perfection In My Mind's Eye

At least I can say today went better than yesterday. Despite not leaving the house for anything I still did an extraordinary job procrastinating. I hate feeling like the task before me is too insurmountable, and that's how the house felt. My OCD has two settings. The first being "ignore all things you can't perfect", which is the mode I generally operate in. I get very irritated if I believe I can perfect something, but don't get the opportunity to do so. Or if I do manage to perfect it, but others don't appreciate the effort or importance of that perfection (perfection being perceived in my mind, since actual perfection isn't possible). The other setting (the one I try to avoid), is the slippery slope cleaning the house usually leads me down, "each and every thing I look at must be *just so*". Nothing but the perfection in my mind's eye will do. Everything my gaze settles upon is flawed, and I must do whatever it takes to make it meet my expectations. That's where I often find myself when I embark on whole house sanitation operations. I can't compartmentalize or prioritize. Everything jumps out at me. All at once.

I managed to get the fridge and freezer cleaned out, and Annie got the pantry organized before Snookums got home. Everything else in the house had either been started, but not finished. Or the kids did it to what they considered to be appropriate standards, but it was so far from what I'd deem acceptable. Everything I looked at was dirty, dingy, just not right. By the time Snookums got home, I was so frustrated I broke into tears. The kids weren't being all that great a help. Annie knows what to do, but she was so preoccupied with her phone going off every other minute, she wasn't getting much done. Then they'd stop for a break and be gone doing who knows what for an hour. I lost it. I cried.

My sweet husband, who has boycotted doing any kind of housework for who knows how long (hence how we ended up in this situation), actually buckled down and helped me pull everything together. The only thing we didn't get done was dusting our bedroom and doing our laundry. But he promised me he'd get on it tomorrow after class.

I'm not sure when dad will be getting here. He left San Diego today, but hasn't gotten very far. Last I checked he's in Gorman, CA a little ways northwest of Los Angeles. I think he's visiting with old friends before leaving town. So, I honestly have no idea when he'll be getting here I'm hoping for tomorrow night, because I work until 5:30pm on Tuesday, so if he gets here during the day on Tuesday, I've got to go all day knowing he's here, but not being able to see him until I'm off! I have a short day on Wednesday, and then Thursday we'll get to hang out. I'm excited about him getting here. There's still some nervous energy, but overall I'm just really excited!




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