Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2016-03-31 07:58:22 (UTC)

Unless You Will It To

Once again, I've waited until it's late (almost 1am) to write. I know the quality and content of my writing always suffers when I wait too late to write. I get tired, rush through it, don't take the time to reflect, and my brain starts to shut down. Even if I like to stay up late, that doesn't mean my brain is always functioning at optimal levels. I'm a night-thinker, but lots of dreaming happens to.

The visit went well, as did work in general. I went into it with the full intention of having a good day. Sometimes letting intentions loose into the ethos is the only way of manifesting them. Nothing will happen unless you will it to. I find that whatever I say to myself becomes my truth. If I'm in a negative headspace and I allow that to perpetuate, I end up poisoning my efforts. I may want to do well, but I won't if all I can do is dwell on the negative. Especially with work, I've found myself struggling with slipping back into a place of self-loathing. I want to be happy, but sometimes I forget to put in the work. I'm continuing to work on this.

My sales numbers were through the roof today, averaging over $500/hr. There's also an incentive for Body By Victoria bras, an extra $2/bra. I know I probably tacked an extra $100 onto my day. Not too shabby! I needed it after missing so much work when my voice was gone. And a few bad days trying to work with no voice, and then just general slowness. I'm comfortable I'm going to make my month. By my standards, not by the low ball figure I'm supposed to make it by.

I'm getting more and more excited an nervous about my dad coming. I oscillate between totally excited, and deep nagging dread. I desperately want this to work, and I want it to be a great thing for our family. I'm worried about any possible power struggles. My dad is used to being an independent creature. I don't want him to think I'm controlling him or going to make him submit to my will. Even though this is my house. I just want this to work. I think the closer the day comes, the more I'll worry about it, until I prove to myself its going to work out great.

I have this weekend off. Which is cool, I'll have time to work around the house and get it ready for dad's arrival. And my schedule next week is pretty sweet. No closing shifts, and a few short days. I like short days. I'll give me time to hang out with dad!




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