šŸƒAmanda22Janeā¤

Ghost Writer
2016-03-30 07:39:15 (UTC)

Still Doing This.

Yes. It's been just over one year now from the fourteenth of March, 2015, when I first came here to journal after thirteen or so years of not keeping a diary. The last ten years have been fraught with illness both psychiatric and medical. Just haven't been able to write much at all.

How I found my-diary.org :

It began with a series of horrible events that kept me in high anxiety and a constant state of fear and worry. I had just finished with a seven month ordeal of constant sheer terror and acute psychosis, then a few weeks after a forced relocation, the next lot of horror started to unfold and grow and kept growing!...

I thought to myself, I've got to do something fast or else I'm going to landslide into a deep, dark new place of mental/emotional chaos and duress and end up back in a psychiatric ward.
Ah fuck! I didn't want that at all.

What was happening in my personal life at the time was borderline bearable, and I was managing to stay afloat most days with an internal kick and a struggle. Then the daughter and crisis appeared out of left field late August 2014 to add to my circumstances, and I sat with constant daily fear and anxiety for five whole months.

I've got to write, I've got to write, I've got to write! That's all I kept saying to myself but I couldn't write anything down on paper for fear of being discovered. It just wasn't safe enough at all to keep a hardcopy diary where I was living.

I got on my tablet and Googled a search - online free diaries - and hey presto!
This one caught my eye and interest as well as a few more. I now have a total of six digital diary/journals! One is offline and private. Two are online and private. Three are online and public!

The blessed reward is coming into fruition now after months of therapeutic writing. I'm beginning to enjoy journalling and changing my written world gradually from night to day.

I was going to stop after one year...no. I'm going to keep going. It's a staple recovery tool and gets me well and keeps me well doing this. My written art too.

Had another gorgeous walk in the late morning autumn sunshine. Stayed out for two hours. When I ambled past the school on lunchtime, the child who lives next door ran out of the gate and said hi to me. That was very nice of him to do that. I noticed that the school fence has been vandalized and there is a thick carpet of acorns covering the school courtyard and a group of girls were sitting on them! It would be good if some volunteer service could clean the school courtyard. It's a small, cosy and tidy country school and I do love it along with this sleepy little town. (Walking past it every time I go to the tiny township does help me to not miss my grandchildren so much.)

Had a great chat via phone with the granddaughter finally instead of just listening to her teasing her younger brother in the background while he is on the phone with me. She has caught me up on all the news that is happening at school with herself. Her little brother did the same today. Best chats I've had with them! Onwards and upwards!

Let's not go there with the pregnant daughter except to say that the unborn child is kept busy by it's two older siblings rubbing, pushing and poking at mummy's big stomach to make the baby kick. The granddaughter even shouted at her mother's stomach to give the baby a fright! (Apparently it worked.)
I'll give the granddaughter a fright next time I chat to her with a good stern talking to : gramma-style! Poor baby.
No communication with the daughter is happening right now. What's new about that. Nothing as usual.

Off to the next bigger town over tomorrow shopping for food and that's about it. Hope it's another beautiful sunshine filled day. Can't wait to walk further. My body needs it. I need to start running again and quit smoking.

Art going in frustrating circles. I'll figure it out...I'm getting there in a very slow and painful way. It will all come together sooner or later. Usually does...operative word - usually.




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