šŸƒAmanda22Janeā¤

Ghost Writer
2016-03-29 22:14:55 (UTC)

A Cold Autumn Morning.

Got to sleep shortly after 2am. Was woken before nine by a phonecall from Progress to Health who I will be involved with once a week given things go well for me with them. If I don't feel up to the weekly activity then I'll try to be assertive and decline joining in. Today they have taken a sixty kilometre journey to the coast - that's one way, it's sixty k's back - to visit a hot water beach. I didn't want to go.

It's a cold autumn morning and I was very warm and cosy last night with all the extra blankets. I don't want to have to use the oil heater in my bedroom until it's really necessary.

Texted the grandchildren this morning as well to tell them that I miss them and love them. Hopefully the little grandson calls me today. He always says "Hello gramma!" I just love that. I don't know why he phones me while he is watching Minecraft on his I-pad as I think that accounts for why he doesn't say much unless I prompt him to. Then it usually follows that he says :"What was that you say gramma?"...crikey.

No poetry reading last evening. B. wasn't feeling well. I want to be assertive with him to and let him know that once a week is a bit often for my liking. He has a girlfriend and I don't think wandering over to next door once a week for poetry,art and Christian fellowship is really kosher. Last time I was there, he got a text which he replied to straight away.
For a start, he hasn't once acknowledged her to me and I don't think that is completely open and honest. It's certainly not a gesture of respect for the person he is having a relationship with. I've seen her stay here only once since I've been here and heard about her from others. Not okay. Not really safe for me either. Let's see how this all goes. I would like to be friends with B. and that's it. It's a wonderful blessing to have contact and connection with fellow artists in the local community. In a prior entry on another diary I have here, SCRIPTANGLE, I did mention that B. and myself are acquaintances, so it's nice getting to know him better. Important that I write about this. Friendships with men and women must continue as a foremost priority if I am to marry in this lifetime. I'm not interested in him for anything else but friendship. I'm not sure about him though? Mmm...

I need to get out of the bach and go for a walk. The motivation just isn't present today. Shit...life sinks it's teeth into the real depths of my waking psyche today and I am feeling it. Same old thoughts and realities squirming to play havoc with my recovery head. Yep. Same old shit. Just less of it though which is brilliant. (The internal rope to hang myself with shortens.)
No depression though. The breakthrough and breakout continues and I am loving it.

I might pop next door to see the other neighbour as he hasn't mowed the football field of a lawn we have here. His son yesterday told me that he is having physio for an injury, so I might be brave and ask him if I can help out and do the ride-on mowing this week? I don't want to take his job off him though. Lawns aren't that bad. Still a bit shy of them.

Laundry today after my walk and still persisting with art...frustrating fucking process, don't know why I bother and then again, I do know.




Ad: