Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2016-03-29 07:56:29 (UTC)

The Foreseeable Future

There's so little to write about today. I spent a good portion of the day laying in bed, reading my book. It's getting better. Less of a trigger, which I'm grateful for. I've read many books involving slavery, the segregated south, black culture, rape, etc. This one seems to be bothering me more than any before it. Even more than The Color Purple, which I didn't think was possible.

Work was work. It was slow, I didn't make sales plan. I didn't even care (and I still don't now). I'm not letting it get to me like I used to. It's still important to me to do well, but I'm not going to beat myself up when it isn't possible for me to do it. Like tonight. I talked to every single person who came into the store, but if there aren't enough customers coming in, it's not going to happen. I long for the day I don't have to care about such things. I don't know when the day will come, or what I'll be doing instead, but someday all of this will be a thing of the past.

I keep thinking about what it's going to be like having my dad here. Not just for a visit, but for the foreseeable future. I don't know what his plans are, or what life will look like once he's here, or in the future to come. I'm a little anxious about that, but I'm hopeful too. Hopeful that this time together will deepen our relationship, and help make up for all the years we didn't have together. I wonder what my mother would say/think if she knew my dad was living with me. She'd probably be pissed off, or upset that I've "chosen" him over her. It's just as well she isn't in my life.

My hormones are messing with me. I'm not sad, but I feel so emotional. All I want to do is eat and cry. So, I guess I'll sleep. That seems safe.




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