Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2016-03-25 06:30:29 (UTC)

I Will Never Waiver

I debated with myself multiple times today about whether or not I wanted to talk about this. I'm not sure if she reads my diary at all. I assume not. And I don't want to make her feel bad, especially right now. But this is my safe space, and with the way it's been eating at me today, I need to write it out...

I'm feeling sad, and that's really not what I expected out of today. I went into it really excited about seeing Gen, since it's been close to a year since I saw her last. What I wasn't expecting was to get into a somewhat negative conversation about my veganism, or the things I post on Facebook. Honestly, I feel like I keep Facebook and my real life pretty compartmentalized. I guess if you don't see someone very often, and all they have is your Facebook posts, that might change their perception of you... anyhow, apparently I'm "preachy". I don't agree. Yes, I post a lot about veganism. It's my way of life. It's my philosophy. It's what I believe. I also have 1,800 friends (90% of which are also vegan) who believe the same things. Never once have I belittled someone for not being vegan. I've never talked down to anyone or thought myself better. I do believe it's the most environmentally sound, most compassionate way to live. I will never waiver on that. For anyone.

I guess I'm just having a hard time understanding how people who aren't as close with me have come to me for help in transitioning to veganism (without any prompting from me. People I would NEVER imagine being interested in going vegan). Or they like my posts. Or they just ignore them. Whatever. But my best friend finds them objectionable. I wouldn't feel that way if she posted religious stuff. I wouldn't feel that way about anything. If I don't agree, I don't agree. I wouldn't take it as a personal affront. I have no intentions of changing my views or the way I share them. But I do hope she realizes that the way I feel about veganism, animal rights, conservation, etc. in no way affects the way I feel about her. That hasn't changed. And I don't want this to be the reason it does.

I brought the subject up in one of my groups to see what other vegans have done to preserve their friendships with non-vegans. Essentially, it's a general consensus: you remain compassionate, firm in your beliefs, you let them know you love them, and that it isn't about them, but you don't change who you are or what you believe. Which I had no plans to do. I know Gen wouldn't want me to. I just want her to not feel hurt. Truthfully, vegans made me feel guilty before I was vegan. It wasn't something I wanted to think about. It's easier to live a "normal" life than to be constantly reminded. It'll blow over, I know. And I know my hurt feelings are in response to her hurt feelings, but I still value that she told me. Our transparency with one another has always been something I cherish about our friendship. I hope she doesn't think I'm brainwashed or something. I know that's a common thought process for many. Being enlightened to the truth is often thought of as such. This isn't religion, though. There's no refuting the evidence here.

I feel better now. I know with time the sting will subside. It's just something I needed to write out. Tapping out the words that get all jumbled in my head (and heart) always helps. I hope this blows over. I really, really do.

I took a walk to help clear my head. At one point I really liked the Clear Creek Trails (in Silverdale), but since becoming a proficient (and prolific) hiker, it wasn't as therapeutic as I'd have liked. The trails are nestled within the city, meandering through wooded areas between strip malls, skirting along the highway, and through reclaimed farmlands turned suburban housing developments. It's loud and boring. I also noticed that the people I encountered along the trail didn't smile or nod, or even attempt to make the slightest eye contact, even though I smiled at every person I passed. When I'm out in the backwoods, or in the National Forests, it's a different kind of people. Even though I'm not particularly social, I still like to connect on some level with my fellow hikers. It's just different in the city. Folks were only interested in walking their dogs and losing weight.

Annie came home crying today. Without needing her to tell me, I already knew she was upset about Colin. She posted a rather cryptic status on Facebook a few days ago, and I knew all wasn't well in paradise. She broke up with him. I wish I knew how to make her feel better, but I don't know what to say or do. I broke up with lots of guys in high school. I didn't feel particularly upset about it. On to the next one! But her situation is different. They've been together for 10 months. I can't say I stayed with anyone that long. I'm curious to see if they end up back together. Perhaps this is their first real fight. I don't know. I think it's best I just keep out of it, and I'm instructing Snookums to do the same. Although I already know he's overjoyed on the inside that it's over. He never liked Colin anyway. I did. I'm a little bummed about it. He's a good kid. It's been a shitty day, now that I think about it! Tomorrow will be better. It has to be.

I told myself I'd go to bed earlier tonight. Instead I feel asleep while attempting to read around 4pm. I didn't wake up until after 7pm, so any hopes of getting to bed earlier have been shot. I always hope Snookums or the kids will wake up when that happens, but they never do. It's midnight, and I don't feel particularly sleepy. My hip is kind of killing me right now. I don't know what's up with that, but I'll attempt to medicate and see if that helps me fall asleep faster. I open again tomorrow. But it's okay. I've already decided it WILL be a good day.




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