rainy

My heart in a knot
2016-03-20 21:18:35 (UTC)

Going to sleep

I wanted to come and write before I fell asleep... for the record I'm not sleepy at all right now but I needed to sleep because I have work in the morning so I went ahead and took some medication to help me sleep.. it should kick-in in about 30 minutes or so.


I'm starting to feel slightly better at least, I went to work today so me being sick hasn't gotten in the way of me making any money, especially now that I need it the most. I checked my pay statement for last week and it turns out I have been working over 40 hours a week plus over time, that's a huge jump from my last job where I only worked around 20 or so hours a week and had lots of extra free time. I am loving the money but I'm also trying to spend it in a wise way as well as save a bit for the future.


I've been thinking a lot about TT lately and why I'm so fascinated by her and I think what it comes down to is that I see a lot in her that I would like to see in myself. Today I was looking at some things her friend wrote about her online... it looks like the two of them have been good friends for a while now and that TT has a very stable life. I don't think I can emphasize "stable" enough, if there is one trait I see in her that I desperatly need it's stability and normalcy. Her life is just so normal and almost perfect, nobody is perfect, but she's so close... and just the perfect balance of everything one could hope for.


But I'm getting far too ahead of myself.. I've been trying to focus on fixing myself and becoming a better person but I keep getting stuck in the same old patterns of behavior. I'm not even as funny as I use to be because I take everything so serious now because I feel so much pressure to reach a certin level of maturity.


The medication I took is starting to kick-in... by the way I don't take anything heavy, it's a natural brand of medicine in the form of a hot tea. My body just doesn't seem to react well to anything too heavy.

Today was the official start of spring, but it was cold and wet outside the whole day. I think the next few days will be the same until it starts to warm up again...


Happy spring and goodnight.





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