My Letter To The World
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2016-03-12 04:13:00 (UTC)

We're holding on and letting go.

Mood: Depressing
Song: We're holding on and letting go by Ross Copperman
Color: Gray

I feel so tired and cold and shivery right now and my eyes are bothering me, which means no more staring at this screen for the night after this entry.
It's almost ten and i already feel like going to bed but i also just feel really agitated for no reason...just discontent?
also for no reason...cause i was okay earlier.
I mean today was by no means easy and i went back to my home town which is like stepping back in time but in an alternative universe because some things are the exact same way they were when i was a kid but others are different.
The funeral was...nice? i don't think funerals are ever "nice" but it was a good service... i guess i can say.
It's crazy the finality of it all...
where one door swings open another swings closed.

I'm so exhausted.
And i think i'm just overwhelmed.

I was asked by a friend of the family who's a pastor he asked me to come speak at his church not this next Sunday but the next Sunday, Sunday the 20th.
2 things i never thought possible that I'm bewildered by lol

1. That said guy became a pastor so late in life all things considered.
2. He asks ME to come speak at his church...

like...what the heck?!?
well...i said yes...which is something i'm now having anxiety attacks about and i'm like why did you agree to this?

oh yeah...because Gerald asked you to.
He want me to talk about missions because i've been to so many different country's.
Why is that a foreign country scares me less than speaking about foreign country's to people in my own?
Ah maybe that's because my calling wasn't public speaking but traveling and telling the good news.
Ha...it'll buff out i refuse to think about it until Monday i will freak out and prepare Monday...oh who am i kidding haha i'm nervous now, but in the end i know i'll be okay.
I think of Winnie Frank(1919-2016) and how she believed in me and how my mom said i was eloquent and how i believe that some story's of how Christ works deserve to be heard.
And you know what? i already feel better.

but i am going to go find some stuff from Africa and then i'm going to go to bed early because this day had worn me out and my eyes are giving me a headache.

What's coming will come and we'll face it when it does.