Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2016-02-18 06:43:41 (UTC)

Something About Me Is Amiss

It was an interesting day. I can honestly say I'm feeling better about things than I was even yesterday. By things, I mean work. My current situation at VS, perhaps my future there. I don't know... it's a constant ebb and flow. Today I'm feeling optimistic, but next week that could change. All I can do is keep trying. Keep pushing forward.

Getting up was so hard. I set my alarm for 7am, thinking my desire to not be late (for once) would be enough to propel me out of bed on time. It sure wasn't. I think I hit snooze 5 or 6 times. Okay, it was 7 times. I rolled out of bed at 7:45, pissed at myself for setting myself behind. I hustled my behind to the kitchen to make my breakfast and lunch smoothies, then rushed myself through the dressing process. By some stroke of luck, my eyeliner came out amazing today. Wings so sharp, they could kill a man. I'm pretty skilled at applying liquid eyeliner, but I even impressed myself this morning. But I digress...

Laura and Erik were supposed to come first thing, but for whatever reason, their visit got pushed back to late afternoon (she didn't come until after 3pm, and Erik didn't come with her). So, most of the day was business as usual. And it was good business indeed. I was the only seller on the floor, so there was no competition. I need to let go of my fixation on numbers, but it's tough when that's the metric I have to measure my success.

Laura didn't come alone. Donna and Tara (former store managers at our store, who have since moved on to other stores). So, the vibe was a little crazy. Merch Flow didn't go so well, but no one seemed to be upset about it. I think partly because business was well today, and there was a lot of preparations being made for when Sara transitions to Outlet Collection. Today was her last day at our store, with the exception of the store meeting we have on Sunday. That's when she's letting all the associates know she's leaving.

Allison was completely worked up all day. She knew she was having a conversation with Laura at some point, but she wasn't sure what about. I told her that it was probably nothing bad. She's just letting her know that in Sara's absence, she's going to be acting store manager until Laura finds the right person to fill the position. Sure enough, that was exactly it. It's crazy to think that I'm on basically my 6th store manager since starting in 2006. It's also sad to think how many of them started as lower positions, and started after me, yet I'm just a lowly bra specialist. Never destined for anything else. I'll help teach and develop the people who will eventually move on and up. What is it about me that keeps me stagnant? Something about me is amiss. Perhaps I'll never know.

Sara, Donna, Allison, Tara, and I all left around 5:40 tonight. We walked out to the parking lot together, and as we started parting ways, Donna invited me to come to Applebee's with them to celebrate Allison's temporary promotion. I don't know why I said yes. My first inclination when invited to outings such as these is to graciously decline. But I didn't. I guess I could see even in that moment that it was a very inclusive gesture on their part. They've all come after me, and have moved on to better things. Yet I'm still where I've always been. Hanging on by a thread, but smiling through it. Allison asked me not to quit. At least not while she's in charge! At some point all of them have dealt with me on the verge of walking way, and each time they've pulled me back. Now, I've been asked to help Allison run the floor and ensure bra numbers stay where they need to be. VS is my purgatory. Just when I see my chance to get away, it's snatched away. My loyalties betray me. Anyway, we had a good time reminiscing, laughing, telling dirty jokes, it was a fun time. I ate French fries and drank vodka. I guess that's definitely balance. Raw vegan by day, shit food by night!


Of course, after having a positive interaction with coworkers, a good day at work, and just general feelings of well-being and happiness with work, one of the first things I see when I open Facebook is one of my vegan friends bashing VS. It happens at least once a week. I know I've mentioned before how much it bothers me. Both to work for a company that tests on animals (even if it's only in China), and to have people I otherwise identify with bashing the place I work (and have worked at for a very long time). It makes me feel like less of a vegan than them. When I know damn well that's not true. I don't understand the logic behind boycotting all of VS because of the beauty items. So don't buy the perfumes and lotions. I don't. Before the animal testing I didn't because they're just a bunch of shit chemicals, but now especially because of the animal testing I won't. The underwear and clothing aren't tested on animals. Most isn't even made in China! How is it any different than vegans loving LUSH even though they sell products containing milk, honey, and lanolin? We aren't calling for a LUSH boycott. So, I've decided I need to stop letting it get to me. These self-righteous idiots aren't paying my bills. They're just spouting off for the sake of being the most puritanical vegans. They're probably the same ones eating Oreos (even though they know about bone char sugar and palm oil), and arguing about how bees are better off with us using their honey. I can't let it get to me anymore. My job is my job, and at the moment I can't do better. So best make the most of it.

I just got out of a nice hot bath, and I'm feeling very relaxed. It's lovely. I fully plan on sleeping until I wake up on my own, whenever that is tomorrow. But before I do, I'm going to cut myself up a mini watermelon and eat the whole damn thing. That ought to make up for fried food and alcohol for dinner!




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