Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2016-02-15 09:24:45 (UTC)

As Long As My Body is Willing

I went into work with a much more optimistic outlook on life. I need to remind myself on a fairly regular basis that even if I want to move on, I still have to perform my job to the best of my abilities while I'm still here. It's an integrity issue. I just don't do shit work, and not doing my best is less than I'm capable of. It's that simple. So today I tried. It still wasn't good enough (in my book, by my standards), but I put forth a more noble effort than yesterday.

At one point during the middle of my sift, I had a bit of an internal breakdown. The positivity I started the day with quickly began to wane. It got busy, I got several odd customers in a row, everyone wanted my undivided attention all at once, and I just didn't juggle it as well as I could have. Then I started getting irritated with my coworkers, because as I was busting my ass in the fitting room with all these needy customers, they were just standing around chit chatting, having a great time. On top of that, as I was bringing them go-backs, they weren't doing them! They were letting them pile up. Of course none of these girls were closing. If they didn't get around to putting these things away before they were off, guess who was closing and would have had to do it? Yep. Me.

I don't think I've every needed my break more than I did today. I was quickly reaching the point where I wasn't going to be able to keep the artificial happiness I plaster onto my face everyday in place much longer. I could feel myself cracking. I sat at the break table with a cup of coffee and rallied myself for the last 90 minutes of the day. And I made it. No one died, I didn't cuss out a customer, and I didn't assault a coworker. I'd call that a successful day.

I guess it's worth mentioning it's Valentine's Day. Snookums and I don't celebrate it. I mean, we'll say it to one another (via text this morning), but we're far beyond the flowers/chocolates/fancy dinners phase. A comfortable night at home is far more desirable. Especially when I've worked all day. I did make the kids cute little Valentine's baskets. I found bowls shaped like popcorn buckets and I filled them with bags of popcorn, lollipops, chocolate bunnies, and various other candies. They weren't expecting anything from me. Aside from making valentines for their classmate we really don't celebrate this holiday as a family, but I just felt the urge to surprise them this time. I got Snookums a blizzard from Dairy Queen. I have to admit, it sucked feeling like I was sacrificing my morals. It also made me realize how fucking weird it is that humanity drinks the breast milk of another species, but a large percentage of the population thinks plant milks are weird. What? I love this lifestyle, and I don't foresee myself going back. Whatever it was I did wrong before (when I tried going plant-based back in 2006), I don't think I'm doing it now. I went 5 months back then. I'm coming up on a full year in March. It's crazy. It really doesn't feel like it's been that long!

I open tomorrow, so of course I'm still up at 2am! I'm going to need coffee tomorrow. Aside from my coffee, I've been mostly raw for weeks now and my body is blowing me away with the amount of energy I've been having. Like today. I didn't get quite enough sleep, but it didn't seem to bother me any. I'm up now, when I should be sleeping, so there's the proof. I've been loosely following Raw till 4, eating raw or having a smoothie (or multiple smoothies) until dinner time. I worry at some point I'm going to get tired of smoothies all the time, but for now it's working out well. I'm getting concentrated nourishment in an easy to ingest package. I'll keep it up as long as my body is willing.




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