Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2016-02-11 07:40:43 (UTC)

The Invisibe Force Field

It doesn't feel like I've worked a 6 day stretch, but I have. It probably doesn't feel like it because most of those shifts were short. The work week ended on a definite high note. We had traffic! I was so busy the entire time I was there, I didn't have a chance to stand still, be bored, or think about how unfulfilled I'm feeling. It was what I like about working at VS. Helping people (lots of fittings today), working in a fast-paced environment, and having immediate gratification for my work (I had a great SPAH today, $421/hr). I had my monthly review, and even though last month was rough, I still received an "exceeds expectations". I always strive to exceed expectations. But only the expectations of others. I can't seem to exceed my own expectations. Or go above and beyond for myself, but that's a whole 'nother musing.

I have the next two days off, and I'm going to do my best to actually leave my bedroom. I don't know why it's been such a struggle lately. I haven't gone to the gym in days. I really want to, but there's an invisible force field keeping me from doing what I want to do. I bought this really neat storage box a couple weeks ago. I want to go through my makeup box and sort all my different products. There's so much I don't use because I can't ever get to it, or find it. I want to organize it all, but the invisible force field prevents me from initiating the action. I just can't get myself going. Most mornings the very idea of getting myself dressed keeps me from doing anything with the day. Unless it's work. I know I have no choice in that matter. But I'll wait until the last possible minute. I don't know how to break out of this, and it frustrates me.

I'm being sucked deeper and deeper into Facebook and the swirling whirl wind that has become my newsfeed. At last count I have 930 "friends" (in quotations, because I know most aren't actually friends). Most of which I don't really interact with. But I'm quickly finding some cool people in the crowd. I've also shaken some losers. It's starting to level out. At some point I need to log on from my laptop and create a close friends list. I'm losing sight of some of my actual friends' posts, because there's just so many in general.

While at work today, I helped a couple guys that came in smelling like they smoked ALL the weed. The dankest shit (look at me, using hip lingo). It almost made me a little jealous, because they were so calm and chill. I wish there was some way I could feel like that during the day without actually getting high at work. I know I've said that before, but cannabis is the answer in my life. I'm sleeping every night. I'm not addicted to painkillers, because of my back. I'm not taking antidepressants, or psych meds. In general, my overall state of being is happier. I still have issues, but who doesn't? I need to get a better handle on what I assume is my depression acting up. The reason I don't want to get a move on in the morning. Or maybe its the cannabis, making me lazy. Isn't that the stereotype?

Man, I could really go for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Wait, that's a stereotype, too.




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