Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2016-02-07 08:15:05 (UTC)

Surprisingly Unfuckwithable

It feels much later than it is. I know it's because I've been up since 7am (not early for most, but early for me). Despite not getting enough sleep, the sleep I did get was sound. When my alarm woke me up, it felt like I had just closed my eyes. I'm pretty sure I was even in the same position I fell asleep in. I managed to get up and get going, hanging on the ray of sunshine that was getting off early. I was only scheduled to 3:30pm today. Kind of like early release from school!

It was a mediocre sales day for me. When I left I was only at $304/hr. Since I ended up leaving early (around 1:45pm), there was plenty of day left for me to take a return. I'm expecting it. I'm mentally prepared for it, but I'm really not too concerned about it. I'm on track for the month, and it's only week 1. Also finding out that I only need to do $218/hr to make my sales incentive is helpful. Not that I'd ever accept a personal performance that low.

I finally made it to the gym today! Even though I was a little tired when I got home, it wasn't debilitating enough to keep me from strapping on my Saucony's. I got in a really good workout. There's this weird looking bike that's part stationary, part recumbent that I've been wanting to try. Every time I want to use it it's taken (there's only one of them), but today it was open, so I tried it. It's actually a really good workout! It's basically the movement of a stationary bike, but with the seat and handlebars of a recumbent. It's great. I prefer the workout of a stationary bike, but it hurts my back. This solves that problem. I will definitely fit it into the rotation. I also did 30 minutes on the treadmill, set to 7.0 incline and I did a combination walk/jog between 3.2 and 3.5 mph. At one point I'm pretty sure I had a stupid grin on my face, it felt so good to be working out! After that, I did weight machines and foam rolled my back. I plan on going back tomorrow morning and doing it all again. If my ever present depression doesn't kick my ass, of course.

I'm still struggling with the food aversions and decrease of appetite. I do still get hungry, but not nearly as persistently or often as usual. Last night I made myself a lunch for work of beans, sautéed mushrooms and scallions with avocado and tomato. I opened the fridge this morning to grab it, and knew I wouldn't want it come lunch time. So instead, I whipped myself up a smoothie and put it in a mason jar. I drank it. All of it, and ended up feeling pretty energized the rest of my shift. So, that worked out well. After the gym, I stopped into Central Market to buy myself something for dinner. I've been wanting try the pre-seasoned jackfruit they have. Unfortunately the only had chili lime carnitas, and I really wanted the BBQ, but I got the carnitas... and I got coconut wraps to put the carnitas in. Well, it's probably no surprise I didn't like it. The carnitas were too spicy and had a strange texture. Like I was eating savory, warm pineapple... but I actually like warm pineapple. It wasn't like meat. Maybe the BBQ one is, but the carnitas was not. I gave it to Kiki. Keenan thought it was too spicy. The coconut wraps had a stiff texture I just wasn't feeling. They didn't taste all that great, either, yet Kiki and Keenan liked them and ate them with the jackfruit and then another with peanut butter and jelly. Something is just really off with my taste receptors right now. It's rare I don't like something but the kids do.

My next attempt at eating solid food as an avocado. Usually I have no problem getting myself to eat an avocado. It's been an exercise in self-improvement over the years getting myself to appreciate the avocado, but I've made great strides... nope. I didn't want that, either. I gave that to Keenan. He loves avocado. By this point I was just frustrated and getting irritated, because I was hungry! I made another smoothie. This one with 4 tiny Satsumas, a banana, carrots, papaya, mango, strawberries, carrots, and pineapple. I also threw in some oat bran for substances. It was so good, and a lovely shade of pale orange. I suppose until my body sorts out whatever is going on with it, I'll just continue to be a raw vegan. With lots of failed attempts at eating well balanced, cooked meals. I don't really have any great desire to go raw.

I can tell I'm starting to lose weight. Granted, I have some weight to lose, it's just weird to be visibly dropping it without really trying. Yes I'm working out, but I'm not killing myself with the cardio. Or spending massive amounts of time at the gym. I'm also not dieting. Perhaps my body is finally finding the healthy place it wants to settle. I'd be happy dropping 20 lbs. and getting a little stronger. Totally doable.

I got into another Facebook battle this evening. Nothing new there, but the way I handled it impressed me. Usually when people get angry, defensive, what have you, I get really upset. I internalize the anger, and it just ruins everything for me. So, a friend posted an article screen shot talking about how the military is thinking about allowing trans people join. Being the devil's advocate that I am, I had to point out that at one time an integrated military was a very unpopular notion, but it seems to be working out okay. For some reason one of my friend's friends thought I was talking to him (even though what I said in no way corresponded to what he'd said before me). He went off on a tirade saying that I have no right to engage in the conversation and that I'm not a true American. Blah, blah, blah. Like, I literally just didn't care at all. I spoke my truth, shooting down all his bogus claims, and that was it. He was at least man enough to apologize for taking my comment personally, and we smoothed things over. But even though it ended on a positive note, normally I still would be really worked up about it. I was surprisingly unfuckwithable about the whole thing. Which pleases me. It may have something to do with the fact that he was so off the fucking mark, stereotyping me based on the little he can see of my private profile.

I'm so tired, my eyelids are actually starting to get heavy. I'm excited about another great night's sleep... and hopefully a happy morning, so I can hit the gym before work.




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