Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2016-01-30 08:25:01 (UTC)

A State of Apathy

Waking up to open has got to be the hardest part about being an adult. That may sound dramatic, but for me it's real. Getting up early makes me want to cry. I like getting off work earlier, but I don't really want to get up earlier, to be at work earlier, to get off earlier. It's all stupid. Why do I have to work at all? The less I work, the less I want to.

I had a half-way decent day. It went by fast, it was relatively busy, and I sold enough to keep myself afloat. I might still make my month, even after my shitty Wednesday. Although, I'm not too concerned. I'm not sure why. Maybe I've reached a state of apathy. I've emotionally checked out. I don't know what it'll take for me to care as much as I once did. If there's anything.

I got off at 3:30pm, which is a nice time to be off. When I left, it was still sunny outside. It can be tough always getting off when it's dark outside. This time of year is just so hard on me for so many reasons. It's getting better, but it's still a problem. I sat in my car and watched the sun shine over the tree tops in the mall parking lot. I think I stared off into space for a good 20 minutes before finally being able to go on with life. And by go on with life, I mean stop at Trader Joe's and buy a bag of vegan chocolate chip cookies.

I grappled with myself over whether or not I should go to the gym. I wanted to, but then again I'm just so tired. Mentally and physically. I told myself when I got back into working out that I'd never push myself if it wasn't what I really wanted. Finding the motivation to work out isn't usually an issue for me, so there's really no need to drag myself if it's not what my body and mind want. I've decided curling up in bed with a cup of warm chocolate hazelnut milk is a better option. Self-care looks like not going to the gym today.

I made a veggie stir-fry, fed the kids, and then retired to my bedroom. The kids came and hung out with me for awhile before going to bed. That was exactly what I needed a good, long cuddle session with Keenan. He's getting so big, but he's still my little cuddle bug! And it always does my heart good.




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