Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2016-01-24 08:46:27 (UTC)

I Long To Know

I'm sitting in bed watching Marijuana: A Chronic History, while my chronic kicks in. My back was really bothering me today. I can't even begin to explain the way it feels to be in pain 100% of the time, then to experience that endless pain melting away. It's a short amount of time I get to feel pain-free, but I'm grateful for it. Especially when the harsh pharmaceuticals don't help, make me ill, or have worse side effects than the pain they're supposed to be fixing. Marijuana is great. If there was a way to get the pain relief without the intoxicating effect (so I could take it during the day), I'd probably cry. I long to know what it's like to be painless.

I've come to the decision that I need to make some changes to my virtual space. Facebook is getting ridiculous. Adding all these new people was a mistake. I don't even really feel comfortable posting anything about my life, because I don't want to broadcast it to strangers, essentially. A few of them I've made connections with, but the vast majority are just lurking in the background. No real ties other than being vegan. Or worse, I'm finding out some of them are crazy. Today I had one guy post an anti-Obama meme on my page. I deleted it and told him not to post things like that on my page. So what did he do? He posted an even bigger, more derogatory meme. I just deleted and blocked him. I don't need that shit. Then a different person commented on a picture I posted a few days ago contradicting me when I said I thought I looked better than I used to before going vegan (or getting healthy). Everyone was telling me how amazing the transformation was... then his asshole comes along and is like "you looked better before". As petty as it may be, I'm not going to entertain negativity in a space that's supposed to be enjoyable for me. My next day off I'm going through my friends list and really scrutinizing who gets to stay. A LOT of the 400 people added in the past week are leaving. Like all the dudes from India who message me "hi" every 5 fucking minutes. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUgh! Yep, I made a huge mistake. But I'll fix it.

I'm also feeling a little jaded about veganism. Not the abstaining from animal abuse aspect. I'm totally down with that... It's other vegans. Like what I mentioned before. The less than desirables who's only redeeming quality is being vegan. But then there's also the vegans that are so combative with other vegans. Who try to out-vegan everyone, and find new ways to make others feel inferior. Who twist the definition to suit their agenda (like being married to a non-vegan makes you too not vegan). Who make omnivores look at all of us vegans as out of touch space cadets (One vegan on my friends list insists she's got roundworm, because we all do, even if you have no symptoms. Tried to get me to do the master cleanse with her). I almost don't even want to be associated with it all. But I'm really proud to be vegan, and I want to share what I stand for. Too bad when other people think of vegans, they think of the negatives. Never all the many positives.

I was off at work today. I don't know what it was, but I never really got into my groove. It showed in my numbers, but I'm not really too concerned about it. I'll rebound. I didn't sleep well last night. I had a contentious conversation with Corey that left me a little agitated (and hurt, but I'm past it so I don't intend to talk about it), I stayed up too late, Keenan woke me up, it was less than a desirable segue into the rest of the day. I think that's what happened. After I'm done writing I plan on rolling over and going right to sleep... and ignoring yet another Indian guy who just messaged me "hi". I wonder what time it is over there. I'm guessing sometime in the morning, because they all message late at night (for me).




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