Screened In Porch

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2016-01-18 22:17:22 (UTC)

Hell has froze over

It was so cold this morning, I figured hell had froze over. Especially
when I realized I was still here in it. I do not do well this time
of year. Not at all.

I had some inquiries this weekend about some property near the
high school. It was priced very low but the photos looked good.
I know how that usually goes, so I took off this morning and rode
over that way to do a ride by. Lord it was horrible.

I can make a thousand bucks selling a house for 50k. But I will not
do it. Hell no. If someone wants to live a piece of crap that
they will risk having the roof fall in on them or die from breathing
the nasty bold filled air....let someone else earn the grand. I do
not need money that bad.

It is a pleasure to help people get homes, but I prefer they get
a home they will enjoy, be warm, safe and as happy as they are
proud. That is just they way I roll.

I think I just like seeing other people happy and being a part of
helping that happen gives me fuel to try to be happy a little
myself. Right now, I am not happy. I am not happy at all.

I am sick of being here. I wish for death most mornings.
Why am I still waking up in this damn hell?

This morning, I felt like a pity party was going on....
nothing goes my way. Nothing. I am living in this master
bedroom alone. I may as well be single. I am so lonely sometimes
just for a hug or a cuddle while watching a movie...or just a
damn cuddle. It is that time of year, we want a warm body next
to us. I know he is not going to get a rise out of being near
me. I know that. But he could lay down in the bed and hold
me for a minute.
But he does not.

He got up this morning right after I left. Where have you been
he wanted to know as soon as I walked back in the door? Most of
the time he is still in bed till noon, I not feel I owe him
an explanation to where I go. I was up at 5:30am. His lazy ass
sat in the den all day watching stupid silly day time shows...
Springer...and that shit. Like he has nothing to do here.
Nothing at all.

I have no intentions of letting anyone of my friends come here
to this nasty mess of a place. Tomorrow, I intend to pull some
of the wallpaper off the wall in the main bath. It has been
mess up for over 18 years. When I put it up...he did not put
up the right size mirror. So, the old wall was showing between
the sink and the mirror. He left it that way. I stapled some
green ribbon ( wide ) to the wall to cover it. I was under the
impression he was going to replace that mirror. It was not easy
putting up the wall paper. It looks good. I was proud. But
since then, it is more shame and disgust that I feel.

Sad, an't it?

I live with a lump in my throat most of the time....because I
am so sad.

The only time I am half happy is when I am showing property
or anywhere away from here.

I hate him.

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