Screened In Porch

Life in general
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2016-01-10 21:22:38 (UTC)

Still a bit bitter

I have other friends that are asking where have I been and why
they have not heard from me in a while.

Well, guys, it is simple. I have been feeling very bitter
toward people. I have been let down, used and abused. It
takes a while to recover from that treatment. I am trying.

I have never been one to sit and bitch and moan. That is not
me and I will not become that person now. I will wait a while
to be around my friends so I can try to be pleasant. I will
not be sitting around running my mouth and running someone
into the ground. I hate that about people.

Also, the biologicals have been around.
My eldest brother had a stroke sometime shortly before my
friend went into rehab from her. He was going to be going
to the same rehab place that I was supposed to be taking
her too. So, I told her I did not want to run into any
of them while we were there. As it turned out, she went
to a different place...before our fall out and I was ok
with it and did not have to be concerned too much about
running into any of them.

Later...I kept getting phone calls about his condition and
such. I do not know him. Have not seen him since I was
19 years old. I am 63 now. He has made no effort to be
around. I do not want to be involved with some old man
that has had a stroke that I do not know. What in the
hell do they expect from me?

Then a couple weeks ago...I get another call. Hospice was
called in. Hell, I thought that would have been for him,
but no, it was for my sister. Shit.

I know they expect me to step up and go see her. But the
good news is, she told them she did not want me or my
little brother to know. Cool. That to me means she wants
to spend this time of her end of life with her family...
her kids, grandkids. But no, she still has to call me
and say she would like to see me. I had to tell her that
I can not get around too well right now and leave it as
a wait and see thing.
I hate it.

I do not know her. I am not a heartless bitch. I did talk
to my little brother who was raised with me and does not know
them either. His wife keeps her nose stuck in the middle of
all of it. It made me feel better after speaking to him
since he feels just like I do about it.

I was happy to speak to him. And he has a son who plays
guitar and is about ready to put out a CD. Not sure how
true that is or if he really just believes this or if
someone is pulling his leg. I guess time will tell.
He and his wife are both on Disability. She has a son
in Florida and they go there a lot.

He talk about our foster mother and filled me in on some
things I did not know about her illness and death. Her son
was a horrible person. That is all I can say about it.
She would have been treated so much better if she had been
with one of us. We both know that. He told me he goes and
puts flowers on her grave often. That made me feel so good.


we feel love for the woman who raised us and kept us away and
protected from the biologicals. Now...we are both having
to deal with them on our own. Kind of strange how things
work out.

I love him. He understands my heart.