Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2016-01-08 08:23:59 (UTC)

I Don't Need To Be Fixed

There's nothing better than taking a few hits off your vape, and feeling that warm, fuzzy, buzz start to wash over your body. It kind of feels like it travels through my arms and legs, then focuses right into my lower back. It's a warm, but chilled, fuzzy feeling. Like if fleece were a feeling, that's how my high feels. It's less heady than it used to be. I think I'm developing a tolerance. But the pain easing effects are still there, and that's all I really care about. It releases my pain, and helps me sleep, and I know it's helping with my depression and anxiety.

So today... I never left the house. I left my bedroom for maybe a total of an hour. But it wasn't because I was in a depressive funk. I just didn't feel the need to get up and escape the house like I usually do. I was planning on going to the gym, but I woke up still sore, and not excited about the idea. So I said no. I've decided that I'm not going to let the gym be a negative in my life. Only ever a positive. While I do desire to get in shape, I'm not making this about losing weight. I'll lose weight regardless, that's how it works, but it won't be the primary focus. I'm not less than because I carry a little extra weight. I don't need to be fixed, but I do find I'm in less pain if my muscles are strong. That's the motivation here.

I stayed up late, and slept in late, so there really wasn't much day to spend. I watched a little tv and scrolled Facebook mostly. I planned out a little spa evening for myself too. I did a sodium bentonite clay mask, deep conditioned my hair, shaved my legs, exfoliated, the works. It was lovely.

Part of my desire to get healthy is improving the quality of nutrition I've been giving myself. I prepped my meals for work the next week. Blackeye peas with fire roasted tomatoes and maitake mushrooms over turmeric rice, with mixed steamed veggies, and a tofu hash with potatoes, tofu, onion, tomato, and zen greens. I'm not going to have to go hungry this week, or eat something crappy. This is definitely directly linked to how I feel at work.

Since I have to work a mid, I need to actually get up and go to the gym first thing tomorrow. I'm not going to slave drive myself, but I do need to make fitness a priority.




Ad: