Screened In Porch

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2015-12-22 12:25:51 (UTC)

December ending.....

I have been hobbling along with a bum knee lately still. Been this way since August. I will be getting another shot in January to help ease the pain. Still facing knee replacement but not sure when.

Anyway....

business has come to a complete halt. I have nothing listed but a single wide trailer on an acre of land. It is actually a pretty nice place with a paved driveway and a double carport, brick foundation. It is listed for practically nothing at 47k. No takers. Business is that bad.

I went ahead and paid the dues and fees for next year and to get me through until MLS is due again in April. I am sure that I should have not paid only what I need to pay to get referral fees instead and just give it up. But, I am holding out for something good to happen or big changes.

Seems like the way my life goes....always holding out for something better....

Nothing is getting done here. Just talk....with talk we get promises...and with that we get broken promises....something I have become use too. And no, I do not like it, but that is it. What can a girl do? Right.

Nothing

My daughter is not calling hardly ever. If I do not call her once and a while, I would never hear from her. I am not even sure if they are coming here for Christmas this year. But hoping to hear from them this week. I am not begging.

You either care enough about us (your family) to come or you don't.
Your call, not mine.

I will deal with it no matter what happens.

I hate the idea that the granddaughters are being raised to feel they cannot count on me or call or come see me. I guess she is making sure they are all three focused on her when they get older. At least that is the way I see it.

My son is still here. He works everyday almost and spends other time at the garage or racetrack. He will do anything I ask. At least I got one kid that gives a shit about me.

Neither one of them are noticing that I am getting older and frail. I am pretty sure my days are numbered. I am shocked I lasted this long.

I quit smoking in September. Hardly ever drink a beer anymore. Hardly ever leave the house in fact.

I have weeded out the other people in my life that just were not in it for real. My so called BFF used me up till after her surgery and when I was not able to help her anymore because of my knee; she cut me off like I was nothing to her. The bitch. I hate her now.

She is one of the most annoying people I have ever been around in my life. When she would call, my blood pressure would rise..and I would start chain smoking listening to her talk...and talk and talk...I wish now I had never told her anything at all, because I am sure she is talking about it to someone somewhere. She would go on and on for hours...one time...it lasted for 6 hours. I think I got to talk a little that time. But she goes on about people and situations I do not know or are aware of. None of my business stuff.

She says I hurt her feelings....well, she has hurt mine worse.
And she can run that mouth to someone else. I only tried to help her. IF I ever suggested anything to her, it was to help her understand why she does not have a man in her life....no man wants to hear all that crap....shut the fuck up once and a while. For Gods sake. Instead, she compared me to her ex husband who she has been divorced from for years....hint hint. She just did not get it. And even in the hospital, she had to wear a ton of make up. It was ridiculous. I mean really? Did she think prince charming was going to just appear and sweep her away to his castle or something. I put up with a lot of silly shit trying to help her....then when she finally gets home....I start getting the feeling that I am not welcome there. Fine. FUCK U BITCH....let someone else listen to your ridiculous silly shit. I am done anyway. No wonder your ex is your ex. Now I am an EX friend. How fucking inconsiderate can someone be after all I did for her. Really.

Anyway....Christmas will suck this year.
New years too.

I am sometimes wishing for death so I do not have to get up anymore.

Yes, it is that bad....

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