Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2015-12-18 03:38:20 (UTC)

Monumental Jolt of Courage

I'm writing today's entry in front of the fire. Like, on the fireplace (whatever you call that elevated spot right in front of it). Our house is perpetually cold. Unless you're in the master bedroom when the heat is on. It's sweltering. It's even too hot for me. The thermostat is set for 68, but I've seen in get as hot as 87 degrees in there. I don't get it. So, we turn the heat on as little as possible and light a fire instead. Yay for a lower heating bill, and so far it's been a mild fall/going into winter *knock on all the firewood*

Snookums had his Department of Emergency Management Christmas party today, so I spent the morning laying in bed, petting Zephyr, playing Bejeweled Blitz, with NCIS playing in the background for company. I'm still feeling incredibly unmotivated to do much of anything if I don't HAVE to. Even if its something I usually enjoy. I still haven't forced myself to go to the gym. Even though I pass it everyday, I feel hopelessly low on drive/energy/desire to do anything about it. It's going to take a monumental jolt of courage to get me out of this funk.

I was supposed to be dressed by the time he was home... of course, I wasn't, but I was in the process. All afternoon he seemed quiet and pensive. I couldn't get anything out of him. He kept insisting nothing was wrong. As much as I hate it, his mood directly affects my own. So all day I've been low. I'm feeling better now, sitting in front of this fire, with the kids playing behind me. But still, I have a sad. A never-ending, underlying, undertow of sad. Not visible from the surface, but always trying to pull me under.

We did some Christmas shopping for the kids. Which I can't divulge because they're sitting behind me, then grocery shopping. Not a very exciting day. But it wasn't a bad day. They never really are... it's just this damn pervasive sadness.




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