Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2015-12-14 08:04:30 (UTC)

Extrapolating

I didn't realize holiday mall hours started this weekend, so I was a little surprised when I got to work and the store was already open. Usually when I open on Sunday's I have time to decompress, have coffee, eat a banana or something. I'd been anticipating the usual Sunday routine, but instead I had to go right to work. For the first 3 hours of my shift I felt tired, weak, depressed. Very unhappy. Almost unwell. I couldn't tell if my overall general physical health was the cause, or if hunger, not enough sleep, and lack of caffeine were the problem. Maybe a bit of both. After lunch I felt slightly better about life.

I left work a little irritated. One of the new seasonal cashiers didn't give me credit for a few good sales. I'd had a good day, but it's still the fact that I worked for those sales, and she just skipped over it because she didn't know how to do it properly. So frustrating. The whole system is flawed, but it's especially irritating when that's how your pay is decided. I had to take a few deep breaths and just let it all go. In the grand scheme of things it doesn't really matter... but even now I'm still not totally over it.

I suspect that the downward dip of my hormone levels is upon me. I definitely had a couple PMS moments this evening. Snookums asked me to stop at Target to pick up a toy for Keenan (Pokémon cards). It was hot, I was tired, there were people everywhere, and I wasn't sure which pack Snookums was talking about. So I texted him... and I texted him again... and I called him... twice... I called Annie... I texted Annie... I called Snookums... then I angrily texted him one last time after waiting in the Pokémon aisle for almost 20 minutes. I was on the verge of tears. It never fails, if I need him, he's nowhere near his phone. Or it's on vibrate on the other side of the planet. Or his battery is inexplicably dead. I just wanted to grab what he sent me for, and leave. Of course, as I'm getting back in my car, he calls me and tells me which pack it is. I only went back in because it was for Keenan. If it had been something for him, I'd have made him get it himself. I've had the "keep your phone on you" conversation with him no less than a hundred times since cellphones became a mainstream thing, and I suspect it will keep coming up until one of us dies.

I stopped at Central Market for dinner and snacks. There, I got irritated every time someone asked me how I was doing, or if I was finding everything okay. I always speak to associates with respect, because I work retail and I know what it's like to be treated poorly. Despite this respect, I was getting VERY discontent about the amount of times I was being spoken to. I didn't want anyone else talking to me. I found some potato leek soup, potato chips, coconut peanut butter, and vegan chocolate. So my usual hormonally fueled desire for salty/sweet food combinations. Hormones confound me.

I took my usual 4 hits before I started writing this, and it has officially kicked in. I'm having a little trouble focusing. Grammar and punctuation are a challenge. I keep messing up, typing. But the positives are evident. I'm not at a loss for words. Today was a decidedly ordinary day, yet I'm not having any trouble extrapolating on it. I am definitely much more inclined to reflect on my emotions. Yet, physically it's harder to express them as readily. Maybe I should do two hits before writing, and then take the other two after I'm done. My brain is very willing to dictate, but my hands just want to be still. So very still. Touching the keyboard is almost a surreal experience. Like I'm becoming part of the keyboard. I can't even explain it. I need to go to sleep!




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