Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2015-12-12 09:13:05 (UTC)

Every Stroke Felt So Profound

There were moments today when I felt like work would never end. It wasn't bad. It really never is as bad as I make it out to be in my head. It sometimes just gets really old doing the same things over and over again. Is it any wonder why I'm good at my job? I've been doing it forever.

I don't know what it is about my job that makes me fantasize about finding a new one. Part of me is so invested. I feel such a sense of loyalty and belonging, but a bigger and bigger part of me feels like the time to move on is quickly approaching. My personal beliefs and the business ethics of VS aren't aligning, and that is something that weighs heavily on me everyday. I can't decide if I'm resentful of the fact that I'm constantly passed over for management positions. I know I don't want the added responsibility. I have a sweet gig worked out. Good pay, benefits, plus the sales bonuses. I wouldn't get that if I was in management. But it's still tough watching people grow and develop in their careers, and I'm remaining stagnant. I'm not upset about it, but it's definitely something I think about once in awhile.

Last night Snookums and I had sex again (not surprising, I know). This time, instead of just taking two hits, I took all 4. My usual dose. I think it was a bit too much for the already highly tactile sensations of sexual activity, because every time I came, I started crying. It really weirded Snookums out. I wasn't crying because I was sad. I was crying because it just felt SO GOOD. All the pain I had been having during sex was gone. The penetration of Snookums' penis didn't feel like being stabbed with a blunt knife. I didn't bleed (I assume because I didn't tense up, and was able to relax more). Every stroke felt so profound and amplified. It was wonderful, but entirely overwhelming. I couldn't help but shed a few tears.

I'm a little high as I write this, so excuse my typos. All day my back was killing me. I don't know what I'm going to do with the constant pain. I should go back and see my doctor. Maybe get a referral to a chiropractor, or a massage therapist. Something. Cannabis helps me cope with the pain (two hits and its almost gone!), but it doesn't do anything to fix any kind of structural issues. I don't know why some days it's tame, and other days it roars. There's no predictability to my pain.

Talk about leaving things to the 11th hour. I didn't buy Snookums' birthday presents until 9pm this evening! I had 3 JCPenney's rewards to use, and the only thing I buy at JCPenney's is Snookums' clothes, so I used them on a birthday outfit (A shirt, sweater, and jeans), and a new set of lounge wear (Henley top and flannel pants). I also stopped at Target and got him a new trimmer and Chrome cologne. I hope he likes what I got him. The wooden watch I ordered him for our anniversary arrived today. It made me wish I'd gotten it for his birthday like I'd originally wanted to, but I was concerned it wouldn't get here in time. Oh well, it's going to be an amazing surprise either way. I still haven't gotten a chance to see it, because Snookums came home before I could sneak into the box and look at it. Tomorrow I will. I need to make sure the engraving is right.




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