Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2015-11-15 08:58:57 (UTC)

I Will Never Stop

I'm mentally and physically drained. For some reason I was scheduled for 9 hours today. Of course it was busy, but not busy enough for me and the other 8 associates working to actually all make sales goals. It's whatever. I accepted as soon as I walked in that I wasn't going to have a good day numbers-wise. That didn't stop me from trying, but it's simply easier to accept reality than to be upset when it happens (like it inevitably will).

Everyone's heard about what happened in Paris. Facebook enabled the profile filter where you can transpose the French flag over your picture. I reposted a status update this morning basically saying that I wasn't going to change my profile picture, because if I was going to do it for France, I would have to do it for the millions of other people who have died at the hands of terrorists all over the world, everyday, in other (less fortunate, non-western) countries. People lost their shit. I even had one "friend" repost my post and say something along the lines of terrorism not being a racist act, and how we're all in this together. What added insult to injury, she added *rolls eyes* to her post. Basically belittling my point and making it out like I was wrong to say this is more than just a French or American phenomenon and that YES the Western world is still very racist and white supremacy is alive and well. The truth fucking hurts. I ended up giving her a piece of my mind, then deleting and blocking her. She wasn't a close friend. Just one of the fellow vegans who friended me from one of the groups we're in together. I can't remember which one. Anyhow, she started going on about how she wasn't totally white, but had a little Native American and some of this or that... whatever. I blocked her because after unfriending her I didn't want her sending me messages. I was so pissed about the *rolls eyes* part. Totally fucking belittling my feelings and perspective. Bye bitch. Okay, now I'm over it.

It's really hard seeing things in such a different light than the masses. I honestly don't understand what it is about me that goes against the grain. That doesn't follow the crowd. Whichever way the crowd is going, I'm headed the other way. I don't want to be a sheep. And honestly, that saying is doing a disservice to sheep. Close-minded people irritate the hell out of me. And yet they have the biggest mouths when it comes to expressing their thoughts and feelings. But don't let your opinions differ from theirs. Because then you're the bad guy. I can't help it if I see the truth. If I speak the truth. It's often uncomfortable. Often ugly. It's not the popular position. Whether it's political, veganism, human rights. You name it. I will never stop speaking the truth. Even when it's unpopular.

I didn't sleep well last night. I didn't take my usually dose of cannabis. I tried to sleep on my own, but I just kept waking up. No position was comfortable and I kept having an unsettling dream (I now can't remember). I'm taking it tonight, and then accepting henceforth that I can't sleep without it. I'm hoping for a better day tomorrow.




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